"Your face looks like it's full of thoughts."
After ending the conversation with Haru, Kang Sihyun was staring blankly at the sea when a man with a gentle tone approached him. Sihyun frowned at Hahyuk, who was smiling unknowingly despite the troubled state of his mind.
What day is it today?
It's as if everyone agreed to take turns throwing bombs at me. Otherwise, they wouldn't come to me one by one in such perfect timing.
Sending a tired look, Hahyuk naturally stood next to him, resting his arms on the railing.
"Looks like the sea is okay now?"
"If it wasn't okay, I wouldn't have come here."
"You looked terrified earlier?"
"Well, if you knew, why didn't you offer to help?"
His curt reply made it clear he didn't want to engage in a long conversation, but Hahyuk didn't mind. Even knowing that Sihyun was in a bad mood, his smile seemed shameless.
Sihyun sighed and took a step back from the spot. He was the superior, and if he moved away, it was his turn to leave.
"Weren't you worried about something?"
"......"
"You can talk to me about it."
Pretending to be nice, huh?
That was Hahyuk. The man with a dark heart wouldn't offer his kindness without a motive, so Sihyun narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Hahyuk ran his fingers through his hair and smiled in the sea breeze.
"Taking care of guild members is also a part of being a guild leader, so why look at me so suspiciously?"
"It doesn't seem like you've taken care of us that much until now."
"Then, providing accommodation, regularly checking on health, and managing schedules were all my unilateral actions?"
"That's not what I meant..."
Having no words to counter, Sihyun swallowed his discomfort. After much consideration, he challenged Hahyuk on not paying attention to their psychological care, to which, surprisingly, Hahyuk admitted plainly.
"I haven't done so until now, so I thought I'd start paying attention."
"Of all times, why now?"
"What's wrong with this timing?"
"Do you need to ask?"
As Sihyun raised his voice slightly, Hahyuk's eyes narrowed like a snake. Sihyun did not avoid those cunning eyes and continued to speak his mind.
"You came to stir me up because I'm confused."
"Oh, Sihyun, do I have such a reputation with you? That's disappointing."
Disappointing is an understatement.
With a relationship that was largely one-sided and business-like, Sihyun wondered what there was to be disappointed about. He conveyed this with a glance, but Hahyuk just looked down at him with an easygoing face, making Sihyun feel like a frog in front of a snake. He sighed, unable to leave, and Hahyuk changed the subject.
"So, what's been troubling you that you've been zoning out?"
"It's not like you'd understand even if I told you."
"I think I know more about love than you do."
"...Why are you bringing up love all of a sudden?"
"The more you respond like that, the more obvious it becomes."
A hint of laughter was in his voice. Even his tone could annoy someone, Sihyun clamped his mouth shut.
Am I that easy to read?
He had never thought of himself as someone who easily spills secrets or lies, but lately, he had been caught out repeatedly. Whether he had become careless or those around him had become more perceptive, he couldn't tell. Frustrated, he rubbed his neck when Hahyuk suddenly spoke.
"It's about those three, isn't it?"
"......"
"The deck does have its romantic aspects. Did the three take turns confessing to you?"
Hahyuk's accuracy was unsettling. As if he had predicted a conversation that would have surprised him, he spoke calmly, leaving Sihyun speechless. He remembered the conversation he had with Haru just before exiting the restroom corridor.
'Why are you asking that all of a sudden?'
'Just in case.'
'Why?'
'What?'
'If I have feelings for you, would that make you uncomfortable?'
Haru had looked at him with wide eyes. Until that point, Sihyun had thought it was just out of curiosity and answered that it wasn't about discomfort but rather that it was more troubling, but then their fingers intertwined, and the boy's eyes settled down calmly.
The problem was what Haru said next.
With a face showing not a hint of jest, not a trace of his usual shyness, but a seriously earnest tone, he said,
'It's not just because I like you or that I said it simply. It's because I feel like I could give you everything. Even if I had to go back to that lab, I could endure it as long as I have you. You're the most important person to me, so that's why I said I like you.'
'......'
'Does that make you uncomfortable?'
In that moment of eye contact, Sihyun realized.
This was the third confession he had received since becoming Kang Sihyun.
But this confession was different from the previous two.
Unlike the fresh and erotic emotions of the others, Haru's confession and the feelings it contained were deeper and more pure. That was what made it burdensome.
To think that giving everything to him was okay. That he was the most important person and his priority. It sounded almost like a religion.
He had felt before that Haru was unusually devoted to him, but he hadn't expected such an emotional development in a year.
The bottom line was that he liked him, but the nature of that liking was completely different. Maybe it was because each of them had such strong individual personalities. The confessions of the three boys seemed to converge into one, yet each felt distinctly different.
Even though he had received confessions from Haemin and Seowoo, the suddenness of it all was just as disorienting. His mind went blank at Haru's confession, leaving him unable to respond. Naturally, the atmosphere turned awkward.
They walked down the corridor in silence, and that brief period felt unbearably long due to the awkwardness. Haru, sensing this, showed a faint smile and moved towards Seowoo and Haemin, saying that he needed some time alone. He had decided that he needed time by himself.
Sihyun wasn't foolish enough to follow Haru after that. If Seowoo and Haemin noticed that something was off between him and Haru, then all four of them would have to endure the awkwardness together.
He didn't want that, so he gladly accepted Haru's consideration. Alone on one side of the deck, trying to sort out his troubled thoughts, Hahyuk came to find him. Even though Sihyun's face must have clearly shown his turmoil, Hahyuk's voice still carried a hint of laughter.
"By the look on your face, did he really confess? It must be nice."
To think the younger one would act so old.
Muttering to himself that Hahyuk sounded like he was in his mid-thirties, Sihyun glanced towards the group of Class A kids. Noticing his and Hahyuk's proximity, the three boys immediately caught his eye.
He quickly turned away, but Hahyuk, who had been watching him, laughed. Sihyun's eyes sharpened.
"Do you find my dilemma amusing?"
"It would be a lie to say it's not amusing."
"...If you're not going to help, then mind your own business."
Typical Hahyuk. Sihyun hadn't expected much, but the response was disappointing. As he clicked his tongue, Hahyuk leaned casually against the railing and slightly bowed his head, bringing their gaze closer.
"So what's the problem? Can't decide which one to date?"
"I haven't even thought about that."
It would have been a relief if that were the case. If Sihyun had to choose among Haru, Seowoo, and Haemin, at least he wouldn't feel so trapped. But unfortunately, he wasn't even at the stage of making a choice yet.
He was still trying to understand.
Why Haru followed him so blindly, why Seowoo liked him, why Haemin wanted to date him so badly.
He was at the stage of understanding and accepting their feelings, but he couldn't seem to move beyond that.
"Understanding feelings of liking me is hard enough, let alone choosing..."
"That was the problem?"
"...Did I just say that out loud?"
Lost in thought, he must have spoken his inner monologue. Sihyun's eyes widened, but Hahyuk, without responding to the question, turned away from the sign and chuckled softly.
"If you're that clueless, it's unfortunate."
"Don't criticize me if you've got nothing to add."
"What's the problem? The fact that those three like you, does it seem unreal?"
"...It's more like I can't understand why."
"Why they like you, is that it?"
"...Yes."
The accuracy of his words made Sihyun reluctantly admit, though it bruised his pride. It felt no different than being consoled by a child after receiving a confession from a child.
Though that child was no ordinary person but Lee Hahyuk, the fact remained that he was only 21. Sihyun wondered what sort of advice he could offer, given their slight difference in experience.
"In any case, you've done Haru wrong."
"What are you talking about all of a sudden?"
"People can't forget someone who broadened their perspective."
"......?"
"When you're stuck on something, anxious and only able to see one path, or when your insight is so limited that you hardly notice anything, encountering someone who broadens your horizon is quite impactful. And how much more so if you meet someone who changes your life?"
"......"
"To that person, you might feel a desire to give back, to repay the debt, and that's why you end up following and trusting them."
If it were Haru, he might actually take up a knife if Sihyun asked him to, not just pretending, but for real.
Hahyuk's words were chilling yet spoken so casually. Sihyun imagined the scenario in his mind, and the very thought made his shoulders flinch as if Haru really would grasp a knife without hesitation.
"So, it's not strange that Haru likes you. Haemin seems similar too."
"......"
"Creating an opportunity for them to breathe and then questioning why they breathe, what would you do?"
His tone was almost teasing. The way he spoke made it seem as if he had personally witnessed their interactions, prompting a puzzled look from Sihyun. Reflecting on Hahyuk's words, there was indeed some truth to them. It made sense. That left only Seowoo, and turning his gaze towards the platinum-haired boy and then back to Hahyuk, Sihyun followed Hahyuk's gaze, which returned with a friendly smile.
"That's the result of what you've been scattering around so far."
"......?"
"I haven't received any reports about what happened with Seowoo, so I can't say for sure, but judging by what you've done with Min and Haru, it must have been something similar."
Think about it for a moment.
The conclusion seemed to be that it was his karma, his fault. While Hahyuk's explanation about Haru was logically sound, the moment Seowoo was mentioned, the advice shifted to essentially figuring it out on his own. Frowning at this dismissive response, Sihyun looked at the three boys with troubled eyes.
Beside him, Hahyuk asked if he was starting to understand. Although Sihyun acknowledged the understanding, it didn't change the predicament, leaving him wondering what to do next. The guild leader then casually offered simple advice with the same calm demeanor as always.
"What to do? You either choose one of them or push them all away. Those are your options."
"...And if neither option appeals to me?"
"Then dating each one in turn is also something you could consider."
"......"
Sihyun looked at him in disbelief, wondering what kind of relationships he must have experienced to suggest such a thing.
"However you decide to date is up to you. Was that helpful?"
"...Yeah, I guess."
It felt somewhat resolved yet not quite. But acknowledging that his thoughts had become a bit clearer, he casually included the three boys in his view.
To be honest, he hadn't yet felt the desire to date any of them. There wasn't the luxury of that choice, nor was the situation conducive.
Yet, the idea of rejecting all three and seeing their dejected reactions was equally unappealing.
It wasn't as if they would hide their feelings or back off if he rejected them, given their personalities.
Either option was awkward. Biting his lip in thought, Sihyun finally let out a soft sigh.
"...Can't we just not date and all live together?"
That seemed like the best solution he could think of.
After running through various simulations and pondering over it multiple times, that was the only outcome that didn't lead to strained relationships or a catastrophe.
As he uttered those words somewhat helplessly, Hahyuk burst into laughter. The youthful sound of his voice irked Sihyun, who shot the guild leader a glare.
The first night on the ship deepened into the darkness.
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