In the night deepened by darkness and contemplation, Kang Sihyun stopped wandering aimlessly on the deck and, following Taeju's guidance, moved to the assigned room. Upon entering, he noticed the room's layout with two beds and expressed his regret to Seowoo and Hamin.
If it had been a traditional Korean ondol room, he would have slept in the middle, but an ondol floor was impossible on a ship. This meant that only one person could share the bed with him.
Though the beds were slightly larger than usual, it wasn't enough space for three people to sleep together comfortably. Had it been possible, the one left out would have to sleep apart unless the two beds were combined. So, it seemed right to look after the winner of their initial agreement, which was Haru.
As Kang Sihyun surveyed the room's interior and finalized the sleeping arrangements in his mind, he washed up, dried his hair, and awkwardly faced the boys. It had only been a short while since he had walked the deck alone after talking with Hahyuk and then moved on Taeju's guidance. This was the first time confronting all of them since Seowoo's confession, making the situation awkward.
To be precise, it was the realization of sharing a room with three people who harbored feelings for him that caused the awkwardness.
Haru seemed the most tolerable option.
Compared to the other two boys who craved physical intimacy, Haru's blind and devoted affection seemed relatively harmless. Kang Sihyun hadn't even heard Haru's response yet but concluded it on his own and gathered the boys around him after they had washed up.
Swallowing his nervousness, he asked them to come over for a moment, and surprisingly, the three boys sat side by side on the opposite bed without any bickering, an unusually calm sight.
Not a bunch of wild animals pretending to be harmless sheep.
The situation seemed both absurd and peaceful, making Kang Sihyun unsure whether to laugh or maintain his seriousness. He smiled ambiguously as he observed the freshly cleaned boys.
He mulled over Hahyuk's words and each boy's confession to him. It was a moment of realization about their distinct personalities, but none of the confessions felt frivolous or light, adding to his confusion.
One of them, all of them, or pushing them all away.
The options were clear, but his heart wasn't. After much contemplation, he decided to speak, considering the potential hurt his decision might cause.
"I've given it some thought..."
"Just a moment."
"…?"
He was interrupted by Hamin just as he was about to sort out his troubled thoughts.
Hamin's violet eyes flickered momentarily before stabilizing, but a frown creased his brow.
"What's wrong?"
"Are you sure you've thought this through?"
"Yes."
"Is this the answer you've been putting off?"
"Yes."
"Now?"
"Yes."
Kang Sihyun tilted his head slightly to the left, considering the timing.
After the ordeal with Titan, the likelihood of getting caught up and forgetting was high. Today was the only day he could rest easy, so he wanted to clear the air as soon as possible.
Seeing his determination, Hamin hesitated before sighing and ruffling his hair roughly.
"Say it then. Waiting longer probably won't change the outcome."
Without giving them time to prepare, Hamin muttered. Realizing his mistake, Kang Sihyun scanned the boys' faces and slightly hunched over.
"…Should I say it later then?"
Considering Hamin's words, he thought he might have been too focused on his own perspective. He suggested waiting a bit longer if they preferred, but Hamin's response was a snort of derision.
"With that expression, you think you can put it off? Just say it now. No matter how much time you give, it'll be insufficient."
"Alright, Sihyun. It's best if you do it when you're ready. If you put it off now, you won't talk about it for a while."
"I don't mind whenever. Just do it when you're comfortable, Sihyun."
Encouraged by Hamin's insistence, Seowoo and Haru also joined in. Kang Sihyun finally spoke up after some hesitation.
"First of all, including Haru, everyone has confessed to me."
"Yes."
"Initially, I kept saying I didn't understand and tried to avoid it, but after thinking it over alone, I've come to accept and understand to some extent. So, what I mean is. I understand the feelings you have for me. Not pretending not to know or avoiding it anymore. I'm fully aware…"
What he wanted to say initially seemed clear and concise in his mind, but once he began to speak, it all fell apart. He had something planned but went blank and began rambling, causing his palms to sweat.
It's just talking, yet I'm so nervous.
The intensity of their gaze felt unparalleled to any other time. The scrutiny seemed sharper, making his throat dry. His lips felt parched as if dehydrated, prompting Kang Sihyun to swallow before continuing.
"So, I won't deny or avoid those feelings anymore, but as you know, it was all so sudden, and I'm not prepared to give a definite answer right now."
"That's what we expected."
Seowoo's voice was calm, showing an understanding of his situation. Meeting the eyes of someone who seemed to comprehend his circumstances, Kang Sihyun felt a warmth surge through him, unsure if it was his throat or his hands that felt hotter.
After rubbing his bare skin several times, he looked at Haru, Seowoo, and Hamin in turn. Seeing that none of them wore expressions of discomfort or displeasure was reassuring.
At least his words hadn't disappointed or hurt them. Given they had likely anticipated this conversation, Kang Sihyun allowed himself to relax slightly, easing the tension that had made his shoulders stiff. His neck relaxed as well, alleviating the sensation of being pulled tight.
"To sum up, I'm saying I understand your feelings and won't avoid them, but I need more time to come to a conclusion. Right now, I have a lot on my mind, and my nature is to prioritize clearly, so I can't focus solely on you."
"We already knew that."
"It's okay."
"It's not surprising."
Their affirmative responses should have pleased him, but Kang Sihyun felt a prick of conscience for turning these three boys into such resigned figures. Clearing his throat as if to assert himself, he glanced at their faces before adding his final thoughts.
"That doesn't mean I'll completely put you in the background. The same goes for Haru. I will think about it seriously, but it might take a while, so please wait. And try not to rush me too much. Experiencing your… assertiveness made my head spin and feel cluttered…"
"It did seem like you were overwhelmed."
"You still look like it."
Caught in his thoughts and rambling, Hamin and Seowoo took turns clarifying his jumbled words. Each time, Kang Sihyun felt a mix of embarrassment and gratitude, nodding in agreement to Hamin's amendments.
"Overwhelmed is the right word. Exactly like that. So, even if it's frustrating, don't press me too hard. This is already a big effort for me."
"Okay."
"And stop fighting out of jealousy…. It should be within limits, honestly. It's driving me crazy."
"That's a bit too much."
"So?"
"We'll try to fight less."
Seowoo narrowed his eyes at the accusation, quickly softening with a yielding smile. Kang Sihyun took a deep breath, easing the tension in his stomach.
Having finished the conversation, he sighed in relief as the three boys exchanged glances before focusing forward again. Their faces were brighter and more refreshed than he had anticipated, perhaps even relieved.
"So, to sum up, you're aware of our feelings and will seriously consider them, but we shouldn't rush you or fight out of jealousy while waiting."
"...Basically, yes."
His own verbose explanation was succinctly summarized by Hamin, wounding Kang Sihyun's pride. Reluctant to concede yet unable to deny the accuracy, he hesitantly agreed, prompting Hamin to smirk, claiming expertise as if it were a matter of routine. If Hamin were truly an expert, adolescent awkwardness wouldn't show, thought Kang Sihyun, swallowing any demands for a teenage disclaimer.
"So, none of us will be pushed away?"
"For now, yes. I mean, saying 'pushed away' sounds too harsh... It's not like that."
Haru's use of the term "pushed away" surprised Kang Sihyun, prompting a gentle correction. Relieved by the clarification, Haru's eyes softened. Seeing his own tension dissolve, Kang Sihyun allowed a small smile, which was met by Seowoo's low hum.
"Can I ask something?"
"...What is it?"
"It's nothing big. Just wondering if you ever felt uncomfortable with our confessions."
"Not uncomfortable, no."
"Really?"
"...Yeah."
Responding to the probing question felt odd. Keeping his voice low, Seowoo's laughter deepened, his satisfaction apparent.
"That's all I wanted to know. Just checking if you'd started to dislike us."
"That too? It's weird to dislike someone just because they confessed..."
The question seemed needless, prompting an immediate answer. The boys' faces lit up almost in unison at his response. Kang Sihyun hesitated before speaking, worried his words might seem dismissive, but the sight of their brightened expressions helped him swallow any lingering discomfort.
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