"Why are you acting like this?"
I couldn't find the words to reply to his question. Memories of the moments when the A-class students, including Hamin, Seowoo, and Daun, were fussing over me as I took care of Haru flashed through my mind. Perhaps they knew about their obsession before I did.
I suppressed a chuckle. Having held back both tears and laughter, my face felt strangely contorted. I bowed my head, not wanting to show this unsightly expression, and Haru once again expressed concern.
"Are you really not feeling well?"
"No, I'm not."
"Then, are you angry?"
"That's not it either."
It's just, kind of funny.
Haru showed confusion at the words I finally let slip out. Looking at him, Kang Sihyun sadly smiled and let go of Haru's hand.
Our intertwined fingers parted. Despite the numerous times we've held and let go of each other's hands, this time felt particularly empty.
I clenched my empty hand, trying to soothe my troubled heart. Now that I've noticed, it was necessary to maintain a certain distance. It was crucial to straighten our skewed relationship to a more balanced one, and to stop depending on him.
Conversely, Haru also needed to reduce his dependence on me. It seemed he was already diligently working on that, which left a bitter taste in my mouth.
My mind still unsettled, I walked ahead silently, and a flustered Haru hurriedly followed.
What's wrong. Did I do something wrong? Are you upset? Feeling seasick again? Should I not talk to the leader of the Muam Guild anymore?
With each step, another question was added. Haru, unable to grasp the situation, repeatedly voiced his confusion, making Sihyun bite his lip harder.
No matter how many times he asked why, I had nothing else to say but it's nothing.
How can I tell him the truth?
The fact that I might have used him could bring disappointment and distrust to Haru, something I didn't want to cause now that we were finally making progress in our relationship.
Actually, I think I was more reluctant to show him my flaws.
Even in such a situation, the fact that I was rationalizing my actions made me glance at Haru and sigh. The boy, who had been gauging my reaction, fell into deep thought with a complex look. Not wanting to leave any room for misunderstandings or unnecessary thoughts, Sihyun finally managed to part his lips that seemed glued shut.
"It's my own issue. It's not because of you."
"...Okay."
"..."
"...Did you talk everything over with Seowoo?"
After a moment of silence, the boy cautiously changed the subject. It was obvious, though awkward, that he was considering my feelings, making me feel even smaller.
To think I'm getting consideration from a 19-year-old.
I wonder what I've been doing for the past 24 years.
Now wasn't the time to be dazed or wallow in needless sorrow.
Was the situation even worthy of such?
Reminding himself of why he had emerged on deck, Sihyun stared at Haru, who still seemed anxious, watching him. The worry in those red eyes made me forcibly smile.
"We finished talking a while ago. Seowoo was arm-wrestling with Hamin earlier. How did that come about?"
"Ah, Hamin suggested we bet."
"A bet?"
"Yeah. He said let's decide where each of us will sleep later before bed..."
Remembering the situation a few minutes ago, he spoke in a subdued voice, seeming to think there was nothing wrong with agreeing to the bet. Sihyun, forgetting his upset for a moment, gasped in disbelief.
Why would they decide that just between the two of them?
The assigned room was a four-person bedroom for the A-class, including us four. The idea that only two would make a bet on sleeping arrangements seemed utterly preposterous to me. It seemed like Seowoo, knowing he'd lose in a verbal spat, chose Haru as an easier target to win against.
Even the content of the bet seemed absurd.
It would have been simpler to just say he wanted to sleep next to me. Was there a need for a bet?
I couldn't tell if it was cunning or just plain foolish.
As I pondered whether to confront or tease him about this later, I heard a small murmur from beside me.
"...Still, I won."
"You won?"
"Yeah."
"So Hamin suggested the bet and lost?"
"Yeah."
I decided. I had to tease him.
As I planned to thoroughly tease and enjoy the moment, Haru looked at me expectantly for praise. Meeting his gaze made me retract my previous thought to inform him that the bet was unnecessary.
After all, Haru would choose to sleep next to me anyway. So, I just had to take the middle spot myself.
After placing Haru on my left side, the right side would be free for Seowoo and Hamin to figure out among themselves.
Anyway, a bet is a bet, so I planned to take care of the winner, gently ruffling Haru's hair. Haru slightly lifted the corners of his mouth.
"Are you feeling better now?"
"I wasn't really upset to begin with."
"You looked a bit gloomy, though."
"Should I just overlook it next time?"
"Should you?"
His mimicry of my words, so innocent and earnest, brought a smile to my face. I wondered how such a pure soul could navigate the harshness of the world. While stroking Haru's hair, my fingers twitched involuntarily.
Just moments ago, I had resolved to let him stand on his own more, and yet here I was again. It seemed even my concerns had become a habit.
That's when I decided to try and change.
"What did you talk about with Seowoo?"
"Uh..."
The question came out of nowhere, making it difficult to respond. Given that Hamin had a knack for noticing odd details and knew beforehand that Seowoo liked me, it was easy to speak openly with him. But Haru was different.
Considering I was also rather oblivious, I blinked in surprise, and Haru, mirroring me, repeated the action, as if looking in a mirror. I chuckled slightly, then took a breath. The words Seowoo had said earlier began to echo in my ears again.
"Is it hard to talk about?"
"For now, yes."
"...Did he confess or something?"
"......"
Trying not to show my surprise, I might have shrugged my shoulders slightly. Haru, who had been arm-wrestling with Hamin when Seowoo and I talked, and then was called away by Taeju, how could he know about the confession? As I widened my eyes slightly, the boy scratched his cheek sheepishly.
"It just seemed like it might be the case. So I was right."
"...It's something like that."
To deny it now would seem odd, so I casually acknowledged it. The more I thought about it, the more flustered and somewhat wronged I felt.
Haru's noticing Seowoo's confession meant he had some level of romantic intuition.
It was ridiculous to think I was less perceptive than Haru. How could I, who had not been isolated for years in a lab, be on the same level as him?
Strictly speaking, I was even a step behind. It was unbelievable, so much so that I wondered if there had been some secret conversation between Seowoo and Haru, when suddenly, a hand landed on my head.
Until just moments ago, I had been the one patting him, but now Haru was comforting me. The sudden touch made Sihyun lift his eyes. Normally, I would have brushed it off, but the overlap of factors made it feel like a comforting gesture for my cluelessness.
"What did you... respond to the confession?"
"Are you curious?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
The question came out reflexively. Haru hesitated, his eyes narrowing slightly. A fleeting thought crossed my mind.
"Ah."
A short sound escaped Sihyun's lips. A bad feeling. Whenever I've had such premonitions, they've seldom been wrong, and most suspicions turned out to be true.
Given my past experiences, Sihyun licked his lips nervously, observing Haru's expression. The boy seemed to ponder for a moment, looking no different from usual.
Sihyun hesitated briefly before speaking.
"I'm really asking because I can't help but wonder."
"Hmm?"
"Do you like me too?"
"I like you."
"Ah..."
The response came too quickly. It felt as if it had been programmed into a machine for an automatic reply, causing Sihyun to relax the tension that had built up in his body.
I worried and doubted for nothing.
The 'liking' that I had asked about and the 'liking' that Haru responded with clearly had different nuances.
It was a fact that didn't need to be further clarified, and with a deep breath of relief, Haru blinked. That gaze seemed to ask, 'Don't you like me?' which made me hastily respond affirmatively.
"I like you too."
"Yeah."
See? If it had been Hamin or Seowoo, they would have either not believed such a response or been overly joyous. But Haru simply blushed slightly and smiled. This assurance eased my tension. The worry that my list of concerns would grow seemed unfounded, lightening my mood.
"You're not talking about wanting to hold hands or something, are you?"
"Hands?"
"Yes."
"Well, it feels nice to touch."
"...I guess it would."
It indeed would feel nice. My question seemed to have been misunderstood, causing Sihyun's eyes to flicker briefly. If it had been Hamin, I might have asked directly, but with Haru, I hesitated to speak. Imagining asking if he wanted to kiss, and then having to explain what a kiss is if he asked back, was daunting.
The situation would have been awkward if it escalated to that point. Just the thought of having to give Haru a lesson on relationships made me dizzy, so I was carefully choosing my next words when suddenly my arm was grabbed. Unexpectedly, my body tilted backward.
"Haru?"
I stopped in my tracks as he pulled me from behind, causing my balance to shift backward. If Haru hadn't held onto me, I might have fallen. Surprised, I looked up at him, only to find him gazing down at me, slowly starting to speak.
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