"Is the conversation over?"
After the discussion with Seowoo had concluded, there was a moment of silence that was neither awkward nor peaceful. A sound came from the direction of the chair back. Knowing without needing to look who it was, Kang Sihyun sighed and ruffled his hair.
"Did you two plan something?"
"What."
"Taking turns like this. You made eye contact with me earlier."
He vividly remembered Haemin avoiding him despite making eye contact. Using that as evidence to press the question, Haemin turned his head.
He stared at Seowoo, who was sitting next to Kang Sihyun and looking this way. Soon, the boy's lips curled up.
"Do you think I'd plot something? Do I look that petty to you?"
"Yeah."
"What?"
Responding without hesitation, the boy pulled his cheek in disbelief. Despite the tingling pain, Kang Sihyun frowned and glanced slightly upwards to look at Haemin standing behind him.
"Why did you avoid me?"
"It seemed like that was the vibe."
"You can see that?"
"Seriously, do you think I don't know?"
Having no clue about romance.
Muttering to himself, he pinched his cheek harder than before. This time, Kang Sihyun, unwilling to let it slide, slapped the back of the boy's hand and scowled.
"If it's so frustrating, why don't you develop a sense of romance?"
"...What?"
"Without adding anything to my lack of tact, all you do is nag."
It was unfair enough to headache the already troubled person.
It was the first time he had heard he was tactless from Haemin and the others, so he looked at the boy with annoyance in his eyes until he suddenly stopped talking. Confused about the problem this time, he tilted his head, only to hear laughter from behind.
"How can you not like this?"
"What are you talking about?"
Did I say something wrong again?
Lately, it seemed like every thought and word was the wrong answer. It seemed like Seowoo wouldn't clue him in, so he looked back and forth between Haemin and Seowoo before turning his gaze away. Scanning the surroundings habitually, he soon realized someone was missing. The boy who had been arm-wrestling with Haemin just a bit ago was nowhere to be seen.
And then he remembered, the guild leader of Muam had also disappeared. Realizing the situation, Kang Sihyun got up.
"Where's Haru?"
"He went with the guild leader of Muam a while ago."
"And you just let them go?"
Oh, my God.
What could the guild leader possibly say to Haru to leave them be? As he glared, Haemin looked wronged.
"What, should I have confronted the guild leader?"
"You're good at that kind of thing."
"......"
"What if the guild leader said something harsh to Haru?"
"Exactly. What if he's getting scolded?"
"Why are you even involved?"
"It looks fun."
"I must be crazy to have avoided him. I must be crazy..."
Seowoo joined in to chide him, and Haemin muttered as if lamenting. Regardless, Kang Sihyun, whose concern was entirely with Haru, paid no attention to the banter of the two boys and moved on.
Taeju.
That weasel-like man had to be stopped before he said something to Haru.
"Where are you going?"
"To find Haru."
"Together?"
"No, I'll go alone."
Why bother going together only to hear something? Taeju had subtly hinted at something even when A-class kids gathered together, seemingly praising their close friendship but also provoking that it wouldn't last long. He was a peculiar person.
Whether to say his personality was twisted or just mean was a dilemma.
Muttering indecisively, he asked around, and it turned out Haru and Taeju had headed towards the restroom.
It was clear that Taeju had unilaterally dragged him along.
Imagining Taeju, laughing and walking towards the restroom with his arm around Haru's shoulder, made him furrow his brows and step forward. He really did find Taeju and Haru in the corridor leading to the restroom.
"Oh, Kang Sihyun, you're here for the restroom too?"
The man, leaning against the wall facing Haru, quickly noticed his presence and turned his head. Kang Sihyun, just having entered the end of the corridor and spotting him, was surprised at the quick detection and blinked.
"If you're not here for the restroom, did you come looking for your chick like a mother hen?"
Taeju chuckled. That provocation made him furrow his brows before moving towards Haru. Stopping in front of him naturally shielded Haru behind him.
Though Haru was larger and not completely hidden, Kang Sihyun took solace in the fact that he was standing in front.
"I came looking for Haru. What conversation brought you all the way here?"
"Well, isn't it something you don't want others to hear?"
"What kind of conversation?"
"Kang Sihyun, I told you. It's something that shouldn't be overheard."
If you're really curious, ask your friend for permission first.
After saying this, Taeju gestured towards Haru. Following his gesture, Kang Sihyun turned to look at Haru, whose red eyes quickly avoided his gaze.
"......?"
The unexpected reaction widened his blue eyes. "Hyung?" he called out to him, causing Haru's shoulders to flinch slightly.
"Hyung."
"This... it's really a personal matter..."
"Ah..."
For Haru, who rarely refuses or avoids anything, to react like this indicated it must be something truly personal.
Perhaps it involved detailed discussions about the laboratory or possibly about parents.
Such topics were indeed not meant for him to hear. He understood that, yet a feeling of being left out washed over him.
'Lately, it feels like you're keeping more and more from me, hyung.'
The words reached the tip of his tongue, but he remembered Haru had just turned 19 and held back. It was natural for secrets and personal concerns to grow with each year.
Wanting Haru's growth and independence was his own desire, but intervening would be absurd, he thought, swallowing his words and grasping Haru's wrist. His eyes then rolled back to Taeju.
"Are you done talking?"
"For now, yes."
"Then I'll take Haru with me. I have something to discuss with him too."
"You always treat me like I'm some kind of bomb."
As he hurried to leave, Taeju added a remark, surprisingly aware of his own reputation. Kang Sihyun nodded in acknowledgment and exited the long corridor with Haru.
Walking down the pale blue and white corridor, their mouths remained shut, and no words passed between them.
It was Haru who broke the silence.
"Are you mad?"
"...Not really."
"You seem mad."
"I'm not, really."
Yes, he wasn't mad. This feeling was distinctly different from anger; it was closer to disappointment.
It reminded him of how parents feel bittersweet pride when their children declare independence.
"Just feels like hyung relies on me less, and it makes me kind of sad."
Haru had a tendency to misunderstand if things were not said directly or were hidden. Based on past experiences, Kang Sihyun knew it was better to be straightforward with Haru, so he voiced his feelings, causing the boy to let out a short gasp of realization.
It was an innocuous statement, yet it made him feel unexpectedly embarrassed. He added hastily, worried his words might adversely affect Haru's growth.
"It's not that I want you to keep relying on me. And it's not because I hate being relied on, so don't get me wrong. It's just... seeing you grow is great, but I can't help feeling a bit sad about it."
"Is it because I'm hiding the truth that you feel this way?"
"Not exactly..."
"It's just... I'm a bit anxious about you growing into someone appropriate for your age."
He blurted out his thoughts without filtering, then hesitated. The rest of his words stuck in his throat. They would only shackle the growing Haru, so he stopped and silently looked up at him.
"......"
His mouth opened late, but no words came out. Shocked by the sudden self-awareness, he just flicked his lips several times.
A hollow laugh escaped him.
When did it start feeling like this?
Feeling resentful about Haru's growth was beyond overprotectiveness; it was verging on obsession. Although it was still subtle, the emotion was unmistakably close to obsession.
Previously, he had admired his growth, but the moment there was a hint of Haru drifting away, he felt anxious.
Reflecting on his feelings, they seemed somewhat morbid. It was as if he had taken Haru's reliance on him as a part of his identity.
Thinking about it, it wasn't far from the truth. Arriving here, accepting the necessity to live in this place, the first goal he had set was related to him.
Unknowingly, he had relied on Haru.
He had used Haru's reliance as a motivation to not fall apart.
"Ah..."
The sigh that escaped him was more of a lament than anything else. His head felt heavy as if he had been hit with a hammer, leaving him dazed. Haru looked at him with concern.
"Are you hurt? Are you okay?"
As if it had become routine, Haru reached out to check his forehead for fever. Kang Sihyun recalled that the first time Haru had initiated physical contact was also to check for a fever, a year ago, and he took a deep breath.
It seemed he looking for Haru. What conversation brought you all the way here?"
"Well, isn't it something you don't want others to hear?"
"What kind of conversation?"
"Kang Sihyun, I told you. It's something that shouldn't be overheard."
If you're really curious, ask your friend for permission first.
After saying this, Taeju gestured towards Haru. Following his gesture, Kang Sihyun turned to look at Haru, whose red eyes quickly avoided his gaze.
"......?"
The unexpected reaction widened his blue eyes. "Hyung?" he called out to him, causing Haru's shoulders to flinch slightly.
"Hyung."
"This... it's really a personal matter..."
"Ah..."
For Haru, who rarely refuses or avoids anything, to react like this indicated it must be something truly personal.
Perhaps it involved detailed discussions about the laboratory or possibly about parents.
Such topics were indeed not meant for him to hear. He understood that, yet a feeling of being left out washed over him.
'Lately, it feels like you're keeping more and more from me, hyung.'
The words reached the tip of his tongue, but he remembered Haru had just turned 19 and held back. It was natural for secrets and personal concerns to grow with each year.
Wanting Haru's growth and independence was his own desire, but intervening would be absurd, he thought, swallowing his words and grasping Haru's wrist. His eyes then rolled back to Taeju.
"Are you done talking?"
"For now, yes."
"Then I'll take Haru with me. I have something to discuss with him too."
"You always treat me like I'm some kind of bomb."
As he hurried to leave, Taeju added a remark, surprisingly aware of his own reputation. Kang Sihyun nodded in acknowledgment and exited the long corridor with Haru.
Walking down the pale blue and white corridor, their mouths remained shut, and no words passed between them.
It was Haru who broke the silence.
"Are you mad?"
"...Not really."
"You seem mad."
"I'm not, really."
Yes, he wasn't mad. This feeling was distinctly different from anger; it was closer to disappointment.
It reminded him of how parents feel bittersweet pride when their children declare independence.
"Just feels like hyung relies on me less, and it makes me kind of sad."
Haru had a tendency to misunderstand if things were not said directly or were hidden. Based on past experiences, Kang Sihyun knew it was better to be straightforward with Haru, so he voiced his feelings, causing the boy to let out a short gasp of realization.
It was an innocuous statement, yet it made him feel unexpectedly embarrassed. He added hastily, worried his words might adversely affect Haru's growth.
"It's not that I want you to keep relying on me. And it's not because I hate being relied on, so don't get me wrong. It's just... seeing you grow is great, but I can't help feeling a bit sad about it."
"Is it because I'm hiding the truth that you feel this way?"
"Not exactly..."
"It's just... I'm a bit anxious about you growing into someone appropriate for your age."
He blurted out his thoughts without filtering, then hesitated. The rest of his words stuck in his throat. They would only shackle the growing Haru, so he stopped and silently looked up at him.
"......"
His mouth opened late, but no words came out. Shocked by the sudden self-awareness, he just flicked his lips several times.
A hollow laugh escaped him.
When did it start feeling like this?
Feeling resentful about Haru's growth was beyond overprotectiveness; it was verging on obsession. Although it was still subtle, the emotion was unmistakably close to obsession.
Previously, he had admired his growth, but the moment there was a hint of Haru drifting away, he felt anxious.
Reflecting on his feelings, they seemed somewhat morbid. It was as if he had taken Haru's reliance on him as a part of his identity.
Thinking about it, it wasn't far from the truth. Arriving here, accepting the necessity to live in this place, the first goal he had set was related to him.
Unknowingly, he had relied on Haru.
He had used Haru's reliance as a motivation to not fall apart.
"Ah..."
The sigh that escaped him was more of a lament than anything else. His head felt heavy as if he had been hit with a hammer, leaving him dazed. Haru looked at him with concern.
"Are you hurt? Are you okay?"
As if it had become routine, Haru reached out to check his forehead for fever. Kang Sihyun recalled that the first time Haru had initiated physical contact was also to check for a fever, a year ago, and he took a deep breath.
It seemed he had been clinging to Haru without realizing it, to keep himself from falling apart.
The realization that someone was relying on him had instilled a compulsive need to stay strong, continuously embedding it in his mind.
The thought of having used Haru this way troubled him, making it difficult to meet his eyes. Though it wasn't intentional, the fact that his subconscious treated Haru this way couldn't be denied.
He averted his gaze for a moment before sighing deeply.
He couldn't cling to him anymore.
Haru was no longer the frail and gaunt 18-year-old that he needed to feed, shelter, and protect. He wasn't the clueless boy unaware of the world, nor was he a boy with a fragile heart.
He had done enough to protect him, and he had given everything he could.
19 years old. A year away from adulthood.
Mulling over this fact, Kang Sihyun resolved to face Haru again.
Suddenly, he noticed changes from a year ago.
Had he grown taller? His eye level seemed higher, and his once thin body now appeared muscular and sturdy. The eyes that used to hide behind glasses and unkempt hair now looked firm and kind, not frail.
He didn't stutter anymore, wasn't easily swayed by others, knew how to express his opinions, and wasn't afraid to show anger.
The time to keep him cooped up in the nest had passed, realizing this left him speechless. When Haru called out, "Kang Sihyun?", a rush of emotions made his eyes well up unexpectedly.
For some reason, he felt like crying.
The realization of his own feelings, that resenting Haru's growth to the point of obsession, marked a crucial turning point. It was a reflection of his deep-seated fears and insecurities about their relationship changing as Haru became more independent.
This moment of self-awareness, amid the complexities of their relationship, underscored a critical juncture in Kang Sihyun's emotional journey. He had to confront the reality of letting go, accepting Haru's growth, and recognizing his own need for personal development beyond his dependency on their dynamic.
The depth of their bond, challenged by the inevitable changes brought about by time and growth, was a poignant reminder of the delicate balance between care and overprotection, between love and the need for freedom.
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