Thump, thump. It felt as if the pulse at the tips of my fingers could transmit directly. I couldn't discern whether the sound of the heartbeat was mine or Hamin's. In the moment I attempted to gauge the distance, Hamin stepped closer, his breath now perceptible. Our noses nearly touched, the proximity not at all strange under the circumstances.
Everything about this situation reminded me of that day's kiss, causing my body to shrink back as Hamin bowed his head. His shadow fell over my face, prompting me to tightly shut my eyes and clench my hand.
Our bodies nearly overlapping, Hamin, holding one of my hands, used his other to cradle my head, grasping my hair to press his lips against mine. The deliberate peck echoed in my ear, freezing me in place until Hamin pulled away, allowing me at last to slowly exhale the breath I'd been holding.
But the reprieve was brief.
Hamin's head found its way to my shoulder, causing my body to tense further at the slight contact. His hair brushed my nape, his breath warm against my shoulder.
Seeking refuge from the cold, his nose burrowed into my collarbone before retreating. A languid sigh reached my ears. Hamin, nuzzling against me as if whining, left me unable to either console or push him away, simply remaining still. My mind was a complete mess.
"...You don't have to answer right now, just think about it."
"......"
"Preferably positively. I'm not someone who gets rejected all the time, you know."
His voice came as a whisper, so close that even without raising it, every word was clear. Hamin spoke in a hushed tone as if aiming for his words to be heard only at this proximity, a quietness that seemed it wouldn't carry if we were any further apart. Yet, it burrowed deeply into my ears.
Struggling to move my stiff body, I wriggled slightly. I had to make a concerted effort to anchor my mind from drifting away from reality.
The ambiance was terrifying.
In movies or novels, there are moments when characters, caught in a tight space, suddenly kiss after their eyes meet, later claiming they were swept away by the moment. That very atmosphere seemed to envelop us now. The slightest lapse in concentration, and I feared I'd be swept along by the mood, accepting Hamin's confession and reciprocating his kiss, only to scream in horror the next day.
A dramatic turn of events fit for a drama was the last thing I wanted. Clenching my fist with resolve, I heard Hamin inhale deeply. The thought of someone else inhaling my scent was unbearably embarrassing.
"Stop it..."
Like a shivering animal burrowing for warmth, I pushed Hamin away from me. Ignoring my feeble effort, Hamin instead pulled my head closer to his embrace.
"It's my first time."
"...Doing what."
"Confessing to someone, clinging this much. Being rejected twice in a row would make me quite pitiable, don't you think?"
"......"
"But I thought it'd be okay. I felt like I could give you all my pride, so, just consider it."
I... want you to see me favorably too.
Hamin's voice grew quieter as he continued, eventually becoming so soft it was almost inaudible, even at this close distance. Murmuring almost to himself, Hamin released my head as he concluded, stepping back and letting our closely pressed bodies separate. Finally able to breathe more comfortably, I exhaled the breath I'd been holding in.
Regaining my breath in silence, Hamin hesitated before returning to his spot and picking up his carelessly placed suitcase. His face was flushed, uncharacteristic for winter.
"...I'm going."
With a soft goodbye, he exited the classroom, dragging his suitcase behind. The sound of the suitcase wheels faded until it was no longer audible. I relaxed my tense body, slumping against the window.
Sitting down on the classroom floor, my gaze followed the door Hamin had left through with my shaky blue eyes.
Fumbling. My hand rose to rub the spot on my neck where Hamin's breath had touched, the heat flaring up belatedly. The cold winter air couldn't cool the flush that had spread across my face as I grimaced in confusion.
"...I did reject his confession, right?"
He confessed, and I rejected it. Yet, I couldn't understand why things seemed more complicated now.
His advances were more persistent and fervent than before the rejection. They say people can change dramatically, and it seemed Hamin was a case in point.
Overly aggressive.
From his words, it appeared he had liked me for quite some time but had restrained himself until now. Unlike those reserved days, today he was excessively forward. My already tumultuous life seemed to surge even more with Hamin
's confession.
My hand, which had caressed my shoulder and collarbone, now touched the ground. Rising from the quiet classroom, I grabbed the blue suitcase I had left aside. As I walked through the school gate alone, Hamin's words continued to echo in my mind, the suggestion of starting something sounding like an auditory hallucination, prompting a wry smile as I shook my head.
Recalling Hamin, who had boldly expressed his desires upon our eyes meeting before leaving the classroom, his last look lingered in my mind, making me swallow hard. I remembered something my sister once said.
Kids these days are really something, and now I seemed to understand what she meant.
Kids these days were indeed terrifying.
***
"Is Sihyun here?"
Arriving home in a state of confusion, Sihyun was greeted by his mother, who was preparing lunch. Nodding in response, he entered his room, unpacked his suitcase, and lay on the bed with his phone in hand, contemplating seeking advice from others.
'I'm a guy, and my friend confessed to me.'
'My friend confessed.'
'If you feel excited because your friend confessed...'
"No, I've never felt excited."
Mid-search, Sihyun muttered to himself. The sudden contact had only startled him; it wasn't excitement. It was merely a reaction similar to the suspension bridge effect. Clearing the search bar, Sihyun tried looking up how to gently reject a friend's confession but found no satisfactory answer.
Then, he began drafting a new query.
[How do I kindly reject a close friend who, after being rejected, suggests trying out dating?]
The title was lengthy. Aware that people often skip over long titles, Sihyun hesitated before pressing delete.
[Rejected a confession, now they're suggesting we try dating. How should I refuse?]
This phrasing seemed to capture the essence of the question more effectively. Before starting his post in earnest, Sihyun sat up and began typing. With each tap, the white page filled with black text. A close friend confessed. After being rejected, they suggested trying out dating, and their physical interactions seemed to become more natural. I don't dislike them, but they don't seem like a romantic partner. I don't want to lose them as a friend. How can I refuse properly and continue being friends? Shortly after posting, replies came in.
-Try sleeping together. If it feels right, maybe dating wouldn't be so bad.
"...Are they insane?"
Sihyun frowned at the absurd suggestion and informed the commenter he was a minor, prompting an apology. Subsequent replies were equally unhelpful, linking to dubious sites or offering no real advice, suggesting that any form of rejection would likely distance them, advising him to give up.
Sighing, Sihyun turned off his phone and stared at the ceiling. He considered contacting Seowoo, who had offered to listen, but doubted it would be of any help. Among the internet responses, some suggested that trying out a relationship might not be a bad idea, but Sihyun couldn't imagine himself and Hamin in such a scenario. He wasn't even sure what "dating" entailed.
Was it acting like a couple without being in an official relationship, or was it more like marking someone as a potential partner? Or perhaps it simply meant frequently contacting and spending time together?
He knew nothing about dating, having never experienced it himself.
After a moment's thought, Sihyun grabbed his phone again, deciding it was okay to ask at least this much. He searched for "Class A Seowoo" in his contacts.
[Have you ever dated anyone?]
The direct question was quickly met with a response, unexpectedly prompt.
[Why are you asking all of a sudden?]
[Just curious.]
[What do you think would happen if I had?]
"What does he think would happen..."
Sihyun had no particular thoughts on the matter.
[I don't really have any thoughts.]
[If you've dated, do you know what 'dating' is?]
Hoping Seowoo might provide a clear definition of "dating," Sihyun added the question. There was no reply for a while, as if Seowoo was busy elsewhere. Waiting a bit longer, a new message notification finally appeared.
[Why? Did Hamin suggest trying out dating?]
"......"
That guy was like a ghost.
Sihyun hadn't even mentioned Hamin, yet somehow Seowoo had guessed. Reluctant to inquire further after being found out, Sihyun turned off his phone, irritated by a teasing message that seemed to say "I knew it ㅎㅎ" on the dark screen. Regretting asking in the first place, Sihyun set his phone on the table and ran his hands through his hair.
He was at a loss for what to do.
As lunch turned to evening without resolving his quandary, Sihyun's parents noticed his troubled expression and asked if it was related to recent school events. Assuring them it wasn't and telling them not to worry, he returned to his room. He contemplated sending a message of rejection to Hamin when suddenly...
[Let me think about it a bit more.]
Somehow, Hamin had messaged first. It seemed there wasn't just one psychic around.
Surprised by Hamin's unexpected perceptiveness, Sihyun grimaced and pushed his phone out of sight. Holding onto it wouldn't solve anything.
Considering Hamin's advice, Sihyun decided the issue warranted further contemplation and covered himself with a blanket, attempting to sleep. But sleep brought a familiar lucid dream.
"Wow, you look
like you've got a lot on your mind?"
A playful tone, a cheerful face, and a bright smile greeted him.
It was Kang Sihyun, who had graciously yielded his dreams to Pia the night before.
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