"To be precise, this body is Kang Sihyun. But 'I' am not him."
It seemed Sihyun lacked the talent for explaining things. The words he had rehearsed vanished into thin air, and as he spoke disjointedly, he paused to gauge the children's reactions. All their faces were filled with confusion.
Yet, no one asked what he meant. Their eyes conveyed a willingness to listen to his story to the end.
Licking his dry lips, Sihyun cleared his throat and continued, clasping his hands together nervously.
"I was reading a novel on my phone when I got hit by a car and ended up in this body. Think of it as a sort of possession because…"
This was the part he had hesitated to share, even in his decision to tell them everything. He paused again, especially since this detail was unknown even to Daun, inadvertently glancing her way.
Should I really be saying this?
When he had confided in Daun before the summer break ended, he had omitted this part, thinking it unnecessary.
But now, there was a need to explain.
He needed to reveal what he had been hiding to explain why he had tried to avoid them, treated them carelessly, and, as Hamin said, hadn't faced them properly.
He had intended to lay everything bare.
Resolved, Sihyun raised his gaze, meeting each of the seven children's eyes before speaking softly.
"...Before I was hit by the car, the novel I was reading featured Kang Sihyun."
The atmosphere shifted subtly even though no one spoke. The silence, the intake of breaths, and the nervous movements all contributed to the tension Sihyun felt as he released his clasped hands.
There was more to the story.
"And you were in it too."
"..."
"I've entered the world of the novel I was reading."
After sharing this, everyone exhaled slowly, their expressions a mix of confusion and curiosity. Sihyun knew he had to wait for them to process, but he couldn't help feeling anxious and began to speak again.
"I don't really know the content of the novel. I only saw the character descriptions and the introduction before getting hit. So, I didn't know about the existence of Irregulars in this world. I didn't know what would happen to you. I just thought, knowing the genre, I could avoid you based on the character descriptions. At that time, I was looking for a way to return to my world and thought the best way to avoid harming the owner of this body was to stay out of sight. So..."
His explanation sounded like an excuse, spilling out in a flurry. Without fully understanding what he was saying, Sihyun just wanted to get it all out and looked to the children for their reactions. Realizing they were characters from the novel he had been a part of, they wore indescribable expressions.
Not being omniscient, Sihyun couldn't read their thoughts. They might dismiss his story as absurd, feel betrayed, or even consider him insane. Expecting negative thoughts, he found it hard to continue speaking.
The difficulty of speaking out became overwhelming.
Let them think what they want.
Sihyun felt arrogant for having said that to Hamin. Now, having shared everything, he feared their reactions. If these people he considered his own couldn't trust him, it would be too much to bear.
Yet, he hadn't even shared half of what he wanted to. He hadn't explained his actions or made them understand, nor had he apologized.
Lowering his head as if avoiding their gaze, Sihyun shared the realizations he had come to over the past six months since possessing Kang Sihyun.
"...That's why I avoided you. I thought as long as I didn't get involved with you, I wouldn't get tangled in any incidents or accidents. That's also why I took special care of Haru. He wasn't mentioned in the character descriptions."
Recalling Seowoo's questioning why his treatment differed from Haru's, Sihyun cautiously looked towards Haru. The boy with red eyes was staring back at him wide-eyed.
"So, I favored Haru because I thought you, who would eventually be entangled with Kang Sihyun, weren't the ones I should be close to. I considered my relationship with him as something I had actively chosen and built."
"..."
"It's ironic. Eventually, the relationships I built with you became just as actively chosen."
A self-deprecating laugh followed. The children looked solemnly at Sihyun, who chuckled at his own irony.
"I made assumptions about you based on just a few lines. Ridiculous, right? Those few lines couldn't capture the 17 years you've lived."
During that time, they experienced far more than a few lines could ever convey.
It felt like dropping a bomb. Or more aptly, throwing a dagger. Every word he uttered could potentially wound the seven children sitting in front
of him. His voice grew fainter as Sihyun chose his words carefully.
"Back then, I thought I knew you. Just from those few lines. This person is a person of interest, I shouldn't get involved with this one, these two will end up together... I acted based on those judgments."
"..."
"I rashly judged you and your lives with just those few lines."
It was a confession of wrongdoing. Like a confession in a church, Sihyun spoke slowly, pausing between breaths, and added an apology. His words, filled with regret and reflection, were met with silence. Accepting the inevitable, he kept quiet, thinking it was only natural.
Yet, he felt a sense of loss.
Don't be hurt, don't feel disappointed. He consoled himself despite the emotions.
He was being utterly selfish.
Biting his lip, then hiding it inside his mouth as if to conceal his feelings, Sihyun breathed carefully, afraid even of his own breath in the heavy silence of the training room. Then, someone spoke.
"So, what do you think now?"
It was Daun.
Having known beforehand that he wasn't Kang Sihyun, she seemed less shocked and was the quickest to recover. Sihyun swallowed and opened his eyes wide. The diminished blue eyes regained their brightness.
"Just, I think I should see you all as you are. That's what I think. That's why I'm telling you this."
"..."
"Recently, I've never once thought of you as characters from a novel. Whatever happens, I can't go back to where I was, so I have to live here. That means this is my reality. After all, it was a novel I hadn't even read 8 pages of. There's no need for us to be bound by it. But I realized that too late. Even though I knew it all along, I subconsciously judged you."
I won't act like this, I won't think like this. That way.
His lips kept drying up. Desperate to speak, Sihyun felt pitiful yet couldn't stop himself. He didn't want them to be hurt. He hoped they wouldn't feel confused about their identity because they were told they were novel characters and didn't want them to feel distant from him.
It was both an excuse for them and a defense for himself.
It felt like he had said more today than he had in the past month. With his voice softened, Sihyun awaited their response, having already anticipated what it might be.
He could accept it if they blamed him, understood if they held a grudge, and would agree if they felt betrayed and turned away.
Actually, he probably couldn't agree.
He was a contradiction. Himself.
As he waited for the verdict like someone awaiting a trial's outcome, the children, acting as judges, awaited their decision. Then, unexpectedly, a soft voice broke the silence.
"It must have been hard."
It was an unexpected response. Startled, Sihyun looked at Jihye, who awkwardly scratched her cheek.
"I don't know if it's my place to say this, maybe I'm overstepping by sympathizing, but... I kept thinking it must have been tough for you."
"..."
"Everything changed overnight. Friends and family disappeared, and strangers became friends and family. It must have been scary. Everything around you changed."
She spoke as if trying to convince the others. Sihyun, entranced, stared at Jihye. The awkward tension was broken when Hamin nonchalantly added:
"You've had it rough."
It was a brief comment, just four syllables.
Those words triggered forgotten memories.
They reminded him of the denial he felt when he first realized he was possessed, the times he vomited in the bathroom from the shock, and the moments he paused, reminded of his sister.
They reminded him of the times he curled up, longing for the familiar air of a strange space.
It was an acknowledgment that he had struggled, that his journey here was too complex to be summed up with the word "rough."
Revealing the depths he had tried not to ponder, the two had pinpointed it, leaving Sihyun to bite his lip. Holding his breath, the children, who had been silent, began to add their thoughts.
"I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. I think before you apologize to us, you should take a moment for yourself... to see if you're okay."
Daun said, and...
"...I don't really mind. Whatever reason you had for approaching me. What matters is it's not like that now. So, to me, it doesn't matter."
Haru, who was told he was approached because he wasn't a character, responded.
"I feel similar. The fact that you're telling us this means you trust us completely, right? I'm actually pleased. Oh, is this not the right mood for that?"
Haew
oon added with his usual humor.
"...I feel like I've been too harsh. I should've kicked your shin or something for pushing you too hard."
Seowoo expressed regret with an awkward smile.
All their reactions were opposite to what Sihyun had expected. He was speechless, emotion welling up so intensely that he clenched his teeth. Quietly, Geonu looked at Sihyun.
His deep blue eyes enveloped Sihyun. Facing those trembling eyes with a calm demeanor, Geonu took the final baton.
"You must have cried a lot."
"..."
"How are you now?"
It was a question that summed up everything said so far. As always, he was calm. Like a gentle wave.
The unflappable boy's words, uttered in his usual calm tone, resonated too deeply. He was only seventeen. The words from a boy of just seventeen stirred Sihyun's heart violently.
This wasn't the intention of his revelation.
He had spoken to apologize to them.
But...
"Hey, you..."
Are you crying?
Lost in thought, Hamin stuttered in surprise. Sihyun reached up to touch his eyes, letting out a low sigh. Moisture clung to his hand.
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