Chapter 438: Who Am I? (2)
“You said you were yourself.”
Hearing Oliver’s answer, Merlin began to speak.
“An orphan and a mine worker. Someone who ate potato soup alone, learned black magic, and became a fixer. Just Oliver, or you could say Dave, Zenon. Oh, and you said you found it hard to accept that you can’t make jokes.”
“It’s still the same.”
“Good, good… But why do you suddenly claim not to know yourself? I think that’s a perfectly fine answer.”
Merlin commented. Although his emotions were obscured by the thick magical barrier, Oliver somehow felt that he was being sincere.
“Someone told me. They said I don’t value people all that much. To me, people are like biological machines that produce interesting emotions. I don’t have cherished people, just cherished feelings. Like toys.”
“…Who said that—no, that’s not the important part.”
Merlin pondered for a moment and then spoke again.
“Can I ask how you felt when you heard that?”
Merlin inquired, and Oliver recalled the memory. It wasn’t exactly pleasant, but since he was the one who brought it up, he answered.
“Hmm. A bit annoyed… no, I think I was slightly angry.”
“Why were you slightly angry?”
Merlin asked as he perched on a chair. He seemed serious and at the same time tired.
“Well, I’m not sure. Maybe I felt insulted?”
“You did?”
“And so did the people around me… Kent, Forest, Mari, Jo, Miss Jane, Rosburn, and so on. They’re all people who live their lives earnestly for their own goals and purposes, but in that one comment, they were reduced to my toys, weren’t they?”
Merlin nodded in agreement.
He knew Oliver was right. No matter how lacking in power or talent, if someone’s genuine feelings are treated as mere toys, it’s a sad thing. Very, very sad.
It was natural for Oliver to get angry, especially considering how he cherished those around him.
“But you see, sir… on the other hand, I feel like I was also angry because I felt a bit guilty.”
“Guilty? About what?”
“About valuing emotions more than people.”
Oliver confessed, revisiting the question that had lingered in his mind since the battle with the Flesh Chef.
“If Mr. Kent’s or Miss Jane’s emotions hadn’t been interesting, would I have been happy to become friends with them?”
“…”
“If Mari’s, Jo’s, or Rosburn’s emotions hadn’t been beautiful, would I have helped them?”
“…”
“When I sink into these thoughts, it feels… well, a bit unpleasant.”
Oliver concluded his explanation with a vague remark, unable to fully articulate his concerns and thoughts, much like a child struggling to put their feelings into words.
Merlin, who had been silent for a while, finally spoke.
“Is it really possible for someone to purely like another person?”
“…Excuse me?”
“People usually look at conditions. For instance, women might see a man’s wealth, while men might see a woman’s beauty. A disciple might admire a teacher’s skills and experience. Honestly, I sometimes wonder if this is wrong. After all, not everyone can be a saint. So, there’s no problem in considering one’s interests and preferences. Your focus on emotions is in the same vein.”
Oliver gave a slight nod.
Although he couldn’t see Merlin’s emotions, he had a rough idea of what Merlin was trying to convey—that it was normal and nothing to worry about.
Just as Oliver was about to accept that, Merlin spoke again.
“But the interesting thing is, you might end up liking them for different reasons later.”
“…For example?”
“It’s not that difficult. A woman with a lot of scars might marry a wealthy, elderly man just because he has money and might not live long, but she could come to love him because of his kindness. An arrogant man might marry a woman simply because she’s beautiful, but he could fall for her again when she stands by his side during difficult times. A disciple might choose a teacher solely for their skills and experience but then come to admire their character.”
“Does that happen often?”
“Well… to be honest, I can’t say it’s common. But on the flip side, you can’t say it never happens. The point is that you may not be able to like someone from the beginning, but you can grow to like them.”
It was a rather vague and lengthy explanation. However, Oliver could sense how much thought Merlin had put into his response.
He was truly grateful for it, for taking his concerns so seriously. Yet—
“…This won’t provide a proper answer, will it? If my doubts could be resolved by such flowery words, I wouldn’t have brought them up in the first place.”
Merlin acknowledged, and he was right.
Personally, while Oliver appreciated Merlin’s answer, it didn’t completely dispel his doubts.
“However, I can offer you some advice. I can’t guarantee it’s the right answer, though.”
“What kind of advice, exactly?”
“Go back to the beginning. To when you first became interested in the world and in people.”
At that moment, a phrase Oliver had long forgotten resurfaced in his mind.
‘Don’t stay in this darkness, come out into the world. There, meet people and learn how to live as a person… Get up early, work diligently, make friends and neighbors, laugh together, and share your sorrows. I will help you.’
“Sometimes, going back can be a way to move forward.”
Oliver took a bite out of the calorie bar in his hand, chewing it thoroughly.
It didn’t seem wrong. No, it was the right answer. Out of all the right answers Merlin had given, it was the best one.
‘You are… broken.’
‘You don’t value people that much… No, even more than me. I hate people, but you don’t even do that.’
Joanna and the Flesh Chef. Two people with different genders, ages, and statuses, yet remarkably, they were in agreement when it came to Oliver.
Just as Merlin had suggested, going back to the beginning might indeed be the way forward. However, there was a problem.
“It makes one think deeply… Learning and understanding can be scarier than you’d expect.”
“Pardon?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. Just an old man giving some advice. Learning and understanding something can be enjoyable at first, but later it becomes difficult and frightening.”
“Have you ever felt that way?”
Merlin smiled. A sad smile.
“Of course… Earlier, you asked me if I had ever experimented on Kevin’s family, didn’t you?”
“Yes… I’m sorry.”
“There’s no need for you to be sorry. Because it was my doing, no one else’s… If I hadn’t become the Archive, I might have even experimented on Kevin himself, with a smile.”
Merlin grinned.
It was strange. Even though Oliver couldn’t normally perceive emotions as others did, he could sense that Merlin was sad at this moment.
Feelings of regret, sorrow, and self-reproach.
It was even more surprising than when he glimpsed the emotions of the Flesh Chef right after defeating him.
“Why did you stop after becoming the Archive?”
“Because I realized… that they were also human. Just like me.”
...
Merlin explained what it meant to become the Archive.
It wasn’t much different from what Oliver already knew: inheriting the knowledge of the previous Archives. But inheriting knowledge wasn’t the only thing involved.
The vast wealth, achievements, and fame accumulated over more than a thousand years were passed down, as well as the experiences, insights, and sometimes even emotions of the previous Archives.
“Experiences, insights, and emotions?”
“Yes, especially the most intense ones. For example, realizing that a lab rat used for experiments was, in fact, just as human as oneself. When the previous Archive learned something profound through experience, the succeeding Archive would come to know it as well, whether they wanted to or not.”
“I’m sorry to say, but weren’t you already aware that the lab rats were human?”
“You’re right… but at the same time, you’re wrong. You know, but you don’t truly know.”
“Excuse me?”
“You could compare it to sin. There’s the sin that others call out and the sin you recognize yourself… Both are sins, but they’re entirely different.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t fully understand it either… Why couldn’t I see Kevin, his family, neighbors, and friends as proper people back then? What was I thinking that made me believe I was special?”
“…May I ask one more question? What exactly is the Archive?”
Hearing the question, Merlin opened his mouth to answer.
“Dave? Dave? Dave!”
“Forest?”
Oliver snapped back to reality at the sound of Forest’s voice.
Looking around, he saw people involved in the redevelopment project for Zone X.
There were people he knew, such as Mari, Jo from the Fighter Crew, and various leaders who had decided to cooperate with the redevelopment efforts.
Among them were some familiar faces: Deanclige, the head of the gym that Oliver and Jo frequented, and Smith, who had crafted Big Mouth and was a disciple of Ewan.
Although Smith wasn’t a native of this area, his exceptional skill as a black magic artisan and business acumen had earned him recognition in Zone X. He had expanded his workshop, initially run by himself, into an establishment employing three staff members and training ten apprentices. His clientele had also diversified, now including not only residents of Zone X but also customers from the grey and black markets managed by the Crime Firms.
Considering that Smith had originally come to Zone X due to trouble with the Crime Firms, it was rather ironic.
In any case, Smith had become a prominent figure, even discussing the possibility of opening a new workshop in the redeveloped area with Forest.
Tap, tap.
Sitting beside him, Forest nudged Oliver’s side and asked quietly.
“Are you very tired?”
“No, I’m sorry. I was lost in thought for a moment… I apologize to everyone here as well.”
Oliver apologized not only to Forest but also to the other attendees of the meeting.
Fortunately, both friendly figures like Mari, Jo, Deanclige, and Smith, as well as the other leaders, reacted understandingly.
It made sense since the two most powerful groups in the area supported Oliver, and everyone knew that he was central to this project.
“I’m sorry, but where did we leave off?”
“We were discussing how several of the landowners and building owners we planned to buy from have gone missing. It seems they’ve disappeared in a coordinated effort.”
Neither Oliver nor anyone else reacted too strongly, as it was something they had encountered several times before.
As the redevelopment of Zone X progressed, there were those who tried to make a quick profit or squeeze out as much gain as possible.
“Is it the unaffiliated gangs again? I thought we’d smashed them enough times that no one would dare interfere here anymore.”
Jo commented, looking at the map of Zone X. He had been leading the charge in acquiring property in the area, earning himself a new nickname, “Jo the Persuader.”
“The problem isn’t the unaffiliated gangs.”
“What?”
“It seems that Enjoyment is involved here too.”
All eyes turned to Forest. Meanwhile, Oliver took another sip of the coffee Nora had handed him and breathed in the aroma.
“…It smells good.”
“Ah, yes… Thank you.”
Nora answered stiffly.
One of the leaders spoke up.
“By Enjoyment, do you mean those people like Seamus?”
“Yes, exactly. The apostate druids.”
There were sounds of tongues clicking around the room. It was no wonder, considering Seamus’s ABC scam had left countless victims in Zone X.
Although the damages had been recovered, the horrifying experience hadn’t just disappeared.
“I checked with Heimdall, so it’s highly probable.”
“Heimdall? Isn’t that the magic hacker group? I didn’t think they dealt with this sort of information. It doesn’t seem to fit their style.”
It was a reasonable doubt. The group that manipulated the World Tree’s network was known for extracting high-level information from the network or monitoring specific areas, not for dealing with street-level rumors.
Forest didn’t give a lengthy explanation. Instead, he took out a photo, showing it to everyone present.
“This is Russell, the strange one.”
Jo spoke up, and Oliver vaguely recognized the name from rumors.
He was an unaffiliated gang leader, a powerful magic user who wasn’t aligned with the Crime Firms.
A former soldier enhanced through Martel’s body modification procedures, he had established his position through seven conflicts with the Crime Firms. Now, he led a group of magic users armed with military-grade magical weapons, holding considerable influence in Landa’s underworld despite being independent.
“Well, even though they’re on the decline like other unaffiliated gangs after Fighter Crew signed a contract with the Crime Firms… the important thing isn’t him, it’s who’s sitting across from him.”
Everyone looked back at the photo, focusing on the man opposite Russell. He was tall, nearly matching Russell’s 2.4-meter height.
“Is he from Enjoyment?”
“Correct. Now, why would a big shot from an unaffiliated gang and someone from Enjoyment be meeting during times like this?”
No one said it out loud, but everyone knew the answer. In the underworld, there were no smoke-free fires.
If there was smoke, someone was starting a fire.
“We were lucky. Heimdall brought this information to us when they resumed activities after a brief hiatus. Their skill level has gone beyond good, reaching an exceptional standard. I’ve never seen such precise net sailing before.”
“Now, instead of marveling at their abilities, shouldn’t we be considering how to deal with this situation? The alliance between the druids and the unaffiliated gangs… It turns out the rumors about the druids were true.”
Jo spoke, and other meeting participants, including Deanclige, asked for more details.
Naturally, Jo explained. The Reformist Druids, the special law, and the three druids who had come to advocate for it.
Though they had initially decided to watch the situation unfold to avoid getting entangled with druids connected to the royal family, it turned out exactly as the druids had predicted. It was quite the predicament.
As if to prove this, the meeting, which had been progressing smoothly, began to buzz with nervousness.
Everyone was aware of the druids’ strength, having heard rumors and experienced it firsthand.
A single misstep could lead to a full-scale war, like the one with Seamus.
Everyone shared their opinions. Some suggested inviting the Reformist Druids to join forces, others recommended requesting reinforcements from the Crime Firms, and some even proposed striking first.
Meanwhile, Oliver alternated between sniffing his newly acquired coffee and the cookies in front of him, as if trying to confirm something.
“Everyone, please calm down for a moment. I haven’t finished speaking yet. There’s more I need to share… and it’s not good news.”
“…?”
“Right now, it’s already difficult to deal with Enjoyment. They’re negotiating with the city…”
“-Mr. Forest.”
Oliver interrupted Forest, drawing everyone’s attention.
“Could we take a short break from the meeting?”
“…? Why?”
Oliver leaned over and whispered quietly into Forest’s ear.
“Because there’s poison. Only in mine.”