“Are you possessed by something?”
“Huh?”
“Or perhaps a returner?”
“What?”
“Or a reincarnated person with memories?”
As I laid out all the possibilities, Hahyuk’s expression turned strange. It seems none were correct. Having cleanly folded his suspicions, Kang Sihyun then opened up about his romantic troubles as the man had initially suggested. In truth, there wasn’t much to worry about.
He simply wanted to understand.
“I love the children.”
“…That’s quite surprising.”
His response came a beat late. Noticing the perplexity on Hahyuk’s face, Sihyun belatedly realized he had skipped many steps in his explanation.
He had spoken too much from his own perspective. After a moment's contemplation, Sihyun corrected his earlier words.
“That is, I love these children as beings.”
“I think I understand what you mean, so no need to elaborate further. It feels quite peculiar.”
Hahyuk declined further explanation with a look of unresolved feelings, despite Sihyun’s attempts to clarify. Sihyun slightly raised one eyebrow to express his discontent before leaning comfortably against the back of his chair. His fingers gently caressed the cover of the book he held.
“The children are the most precious thing I possess. Irreplaceable and the most valuable aspect of my life. It seems they have become more important to me than the world itself.”
“That’s truly astonishing. I thought saving the world would be your top priority.”
“That used to be the case.”
No, it had always been so.
Sihyun had always lived his life dedicated to his role as a savior, enduring in accordance with his father’s wishes. Every life he had lived had been the same.
Only now had his priorities shifted.
It was quite a surprising turn of events, even to him. He touched his face, expecting it to wear an odd expression. Looking up with anticipation of sorting out his thoughts, Sihyun opened and closed his mouth several times before continuing.
“My affection for the children is second to none. But…”
“It’s just that it doesn’t seem like the same kind of feeling, right?”
That hit the nail on the head. Sihyun, now tired of being surprised, merely nodded without any emotion.
He loved the children. But that did not mean the children loved him in the same way.
Of course, that didn’t mean he loved them any less. His love was surely deeper. Its intensity, too, was undoubtedly stronger. Perhaps the children even felt burdened by the depth of Sihyun’s love. His love for them was made of devotion and blindness, a commitment through life itself. Yet whether it fulfilled the love the children wanted from him was uncertain.
The children all liked Sihyun. He knew that, and if it were merely a matter of friendly affection, then their current relationship would suffice. However, some of them regarded him in a way that one would a lover, explicitly in a romantic sense.
Sihyun’s gaze shifted to his rounded fingertips. His blue eyes sank deeply.
Sihyun’s feelings towards the children were merely about observing them live. He kept them close, watched over them, protected them when in danger, provided warmth when cold, shared smiles, and kept them from crying. He treasured them above all else. His kisses were akin to blessings.
Haru’s feelings towards him were likely similar. Geonu was uncertain, while Haewoon treated him as a dear friend, which was uncomplicated. Daun and Jihye felt the same.
But the two were distinctly different.
Continuing his thoughts, Sihyun let out a pained sound.
Seowoo and Hamin’s feelings for him were of a different intensity. Their actions of touching his cheek, holding hands, making eye contact, and smiling all clearly had a purpose, underlined by definite emotions.
How should he respond to them?
A nagging question circled in his mind. Sihyun realized why he couldn’t properly reciprocate their feelings.
It was something he had never experienced and thus couldn’t understand.
Sihyun’s love was akin to that of a god’s: cherishing and valuing more than life itself, nothing given felt too much, yet he did not desire to share a physical relationship with them. He had lived for hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of years without ever having a lover or a physical relationship. Hence, he couldn’t grasp the exact nature of their feelings, what kind of warmth they carried, how they stimulated human impulses, or how they affected the heartbeat.
Such things were not well described in books.
Thus, Sihyun didn’t know what they truly wanted from him, how he should perceive and respond to them. Even if he lacked memories, instincts don’t change. Initially, he had shunned it, and after being criticized, he had simply accepted it. He accepted their approaches, their touches.
Was that enough?
A person chooses one partner to love
. That was a fact he had learned through education, despite his long life as a demigod. If he was only passively receiving their feelings, wasn’t that deceitful?
The seriousness grew, causing Hahyuk to casually pose a question.
“If the feelings aren’t the same, what does it matter? You seem to be getting along fine. Or do you think you might be leading them on?”
Exactly, that was it.
Startled by the crass remark from Hahyuk, Sihyun momentarily glanced towards Ruth before furrowing his brows. As he had said, if he was just accepting their affection, how was that different from playing with their feelings?
Yet Sihyun couldn’t choose just one.
On what basis should he choose? Who loved him more? Emotions are mostly internal and cannot be judged by outward reactions; hence, choosing based on the size of their feelings was not wise.
What about the degree to which he loved them?
That would be absurd. He had endured everything to be where he was now, for them all. He couldn’t contemplate biased affection.
And to reject them all?
He had once gently broached this topic, and seeing Haru too shocked to speak, he realized that this approach was not the answer. The option he had rejected then was no less ridiculous now.
So what remained was to watch and see if this amounted to playing with their feelings.
Me, such trash.
Sihyun’s expression darkened. He felt like the trash of some third-rate movie.
As he was lost in thought, Hahyuk clapped once to lighten the mood. Sihyun snapped back to reality and lifted his head.
“Why so serious? If it feels like you’re leading them on, well, maybe first check if you’re being overly selfish. If the situations were reversed, if the children were in your place and you in theirs, would you agree to be with everyone?”
“It would be nice if we could all be together.”
“Hmm, thought so.”
“…What do you mean?”
Explain it in a way I can understand. Sihyun’s expression blatantly became gruff, prompting Hahyuk to burst out laughing.
“It’s been a long time since you seemed so naive.”
“I wish you would just continue your point.”
“This isn’t very cute.”
He had no desire to appear cute to him. Sihyun’s expression turned unmistakably annoyed, his eyes urging him to speak quickly, or he would wrap himself back in his blanket. Hahyuk stopped laughing and offered serious advice.
“They’re still young, you know. Making a choice and excluding others is a bit cruel. Fortunately, it seems they all like you enough not to want to lose you, so maybe try having an open-minded relationship. Take this opportunity to learn about human love.”
“…Really?”
That sounded like a rascal’s suggestion. Despite hearing it with his own ears, Sihyun asked in disbelief, prompting Hahyuk to shrug.
“Maybe it’s because you’re a god. The way you love them is very agape. But the way a god loves humans and the way humans love each other are different. So, take this chance to fully receive and learn about human love.”
“…Hmm.”
Even with further explanation, it didn’t sound much different from what he initially understood. Sihyun hesitated, then moved his lips.
“It sounds like you’re suggesting I don’t choose just one side.”
“Pretty much. With all the time you’ve lived as a god, do you think you could suddenly pick one person to passionately love?”
“No.”
Honestly, that was impossible. Maybe in ten years, but certainly not now. Hahyuk laughed, as if he had expected that answer.
“I thought so. So, you’re not in a position to choose just one right now. And it seems you don’t necessarily have to.”
“What do you mean?”
“The ideal situation seems to be you and the cute kids from the Redem staying together,” Hahyuk added, his voice clear and cheerful, as if he was sharing a very pleasant story. Not quite grasping it, Sihyun simply tilted his head as the man seemed to have told him all he could, suggesting he ponder it alone or with the children before ending the conversation. Sihyun wanted to ask more, but regrettably, he sensed the children’s presence from afar. They seemed to have returned from an outing.
“What am I supposed to do, really.”
He muttered in frustration, ruffling his hair and sighing.
Having received a path suggested by Hahyuk, he now knew it was his choice to follow it or not.
And whether that choice would be accepted by the children was up to them.
“…It’s tough.”
Living fully aware of all human emotions was naturally difficult. Sihyun sighed again and welcomed the children as they returned to the room.
Thank you for reading this far! You can access more chapters from HERE by joining my Patreon community. You'll gain exclusive early access to the COMPLETE NOVEL.
As a member of my Patreon community, here is what you'll get:
For $5
- Early access to 100s of chapters before they go public.
- You also get access to all the novels I'm translating, you can find them here HERE.
- You Get Ad-free Chapters.
For $10
- You get to suggest a Novel for me to translate.
For $20
- You get to recommend a Novel and I will immediately start translating it.
Plus, you can Cancel your membership at any time.
Don't let this amazing opportunity slip through your fingers!
