In the end, Kang Sihyun found himself awake again, his mind too filled with questions to allow for any rest.
By 6 a.m., he had struggled into sleep, only to wake up around noon. It wasn't the natural urge to rise that woke him but the bustling noise around him that did it half forcibly.
As he flung the blankets aside to assess the situation, he saw the kids busily tidying up the house, the sun already high in the sky.
Seeing the children cleaning without waking him, perhaps because he looked too tired, Sihyun swallowed a feeling of shame. He felt awkward, realizing he had snapped at them without knowing they would do this.
After washing his face in the bathroom, he joined the children. As he started helping by removing balloons and folding Christmas Santa suits, Kang Haewoon recognized him amidst his complaints about not wanting to clean.
“Oh? Sihyun is up?”
Responding monotonously to Haewoon's cheerful voice, the other children, including Hamin and Seowoo, turned their heads one by one. Their voices included within the mix.
Sihyun turned his back on the two who had confessed to him, intending to avoid them naturally, but it seemed even this motion made a creaking sound.
Walking over to Haewoon like a robot, he grabbed his collar and asked if there was anything more he could help with. Despite the obvious abundance of tasks, the sharp boy sensed something odd in the question.
His eyes twinkled mischievously as he glanced over Sihyun's shoulder at the two boys.
“Seowoo and Hamin, huh? You’ve got something going on with them?”
“Keep it down if you know.”
“Hmm… Really? It looks fun, so I'll help!”
Haewoon playfully engaged, synchronizing with Sihyun’s ruse. Sihyun nodded as the boy pointed with his finger, indicating curtains and bulbs that needed tending. Sihyun found Haewoon quite agreeable for the first time as he complied smoothly.
While tidying up as instructed, Sihyun felt persistent gazes on him. He didn’t need to look to know whose they were.
As the back of his head began to burn, he resisted the urge to look back, and eventually, the feeling of being watched faded. Glancing over, Sihyun realized that Seowoo and Hamin had given up talking to him and were conversing among themselves.
Their distance and hushed voices made it impossible to eavesdrop. Curiosity piqued, he strained his ears but to no avail.
Like a thief, he spied on them until Seowoo unexpectedly turned his head. Sihyun quickly ducked, pretending to be busy with something else on the floor, maintaining silence until he heard their voices resume quietly.
A sigh of relief escaped his lips as he calmed his startled heart, only to immediately berate himself for his actions.
What am I even doing?
It wasn’t as if someone had ordered him to be wary, yet the sense of injustice made Sihyun straighten up.
There was no need for him to feel diminished.
There's a saying that if you don't like the temple, leave, but it's different when the temple is yours. Realizing there was no need to be self-conscious even at home, Sihyun straightened his shoulders with newfound confidence, regardless of whether Seowoo and Hamin looked at him or not. Acting boldly seemed to have even drawn a slight laugh from the two boys.
Three hours after joining, it took another two hours before the house was restored to its original state. The home, once decorated in festive Christmas cheer, had returned to its usual plainness, leaving Sihyun feeling content.
“So, are we disbanding now?”
As they settled down for a much-delayed lunch, Haewoon reluctantly brought up leaving. It seemed like if pushed gently, he might stay over till today.
“Yes, we're disbanding.”
With no room for negotiation, Haewoon drooped his shoulders in disappointment. Unperturbed, Sihyun got up to prepare for the children's departure. "Strike while the iron is hot," as they say, and it was time to send them on their way.
“It’s about time to head back, right?”
“That sounds right.”
“After all, staying at someone else's house for too long is bothersome.”
“I want to go home and take a comfortable shower.”
Geonu, Jihye, and Daun agreed. With their cooperation, Sihyun got everyone up and out the door, including Haru. Even Haewoon, who had been the last to want to leave, reluctantly exited Sihyun's house. The last to remain were Seowoo and Hamin.
Of all people, why did it have to be those two left?
He regretted not sending them off first to avoid such situations. Sihyun swallowed
hard and looked alternately at the two, catching Seowoo’s eye, who smiled faintly.
An odd tension filled the air. In his own home, Sihyun felt a strange unease due to the unique atmosphere emanating from them, noticing Hamin’s puzzled look as he seemed to catch onto Sihyun's concern for Seowoo.
If caught, it would be a disaster.
Not just any disaster, but a complete mess.
Already tangled in Hamin’s suggestion to possibly start something without giving a proper response, if Hamin found out about Seowoo’s confession, Sihyun could only imagine the chaos that would ensue. Sihyun cast a sidelong glance at Seowoo.
He could control his own mouth, but Seowoo was the problem.
When their eyes met, Seowoo flashed a playful smile as a greeting. Sihyun narrowed his eyes then blinked, a silent signal not to talk nonsense in front of Hamin.
The boy, playing with his platinum blond hair, lifted the corners of his red lips.
It was unclear if he understood or not.
“You should rest too, so I’ll leave for today.”
Fortunately, it seemed he got the message.
“But next time, come over to my place for breakfast, Sihyun?”
Correction. It appeared he hadn’t understood at all.
Before he could even sigh in relief, Seowoo launched another surprise attack. Frowning, Sihyun pushed him away, telling him to save the nonsense for home. Laughing, Seowoo easily stepped back. It was a lucky escape.
Whether it was because this was the second confession he had received, or because it was from Seowoo, Sihyun felt his response was more natural than with Hamin.
He didn't awkwardly flaunt that he had been confessed to.
Proud of himself, Sihyun was about to send Seowoo off and face Hamin when he had to rethink everything.
“Did Seowoo confess to you?”
“…Do you guys have some kind of telepathy going on?”
First, Seowoo noticed with Hamin, and now Hamin with Seowoo—it was chaos.
So much for not showing it. This was practically leaking it everywhere, Sihyun muttered, to which Hamin wore an I-knew-it look, unexpectedly not the reaction Sihyun had anticipated.
“How did you know?”
“There are a few here who like you. Did you think I wouldn’t notice the atmosphere getting weird?”
“……?”
“Even before the holidays, no, until the party, you were only awkward with me. Avoiding eye contact, not talking more than necessary. But suddenly, in one night, you’re awkward with Seowoo too. It’s pretty obvious.”
In essence, it was all too apparent. Hamin clicked his tongue, and though Sihyun should have been upset by these words, he couldn’t focus on them. The earlier statement had struck him hard.
“Wait. What did you just say?”
“What?”
“How many people here like me?”
If my ears hadn't suddenly gone strange, I definitely heard it that way. Startled, I asked, and Hamin let out a low sigh, followed by a moment of silence. Sihyun chewed on his lip, waiting for an answer while picking at his fingernails, and Hamin let out a hollow laugh.
“Did you really not know until now?”
“Besides you and Seowoo, there's someone else who likes me?”
“That’s not for me to say.”
This was maddening. It was as if he was saying there indeed was someone else.
Had I unwittingly become the protagonist of a BL novel?
I tried not to care about the possibility of being in a novel, but with things turning out this way, such thoughts unavoidably crossed my mind. It was strange enough that there were so many homosexuals around, but the fact that they all seemed to like me made the situation even harder to comprehend unless viewed through such a lens.
How had I become the object of everyone's unrequited love?
I was on the verge of concocting a universe where everything and everyone turned gay.
Sihyun swallowed a groan, tightly closing his eyes and pressing his temples. His head was throbbing fiercely, and Hamin was smirking, oblivious to his turmoil.
“If you're this oblivious, it must be a sickness.”
“Normally, one doesn't think their friend likes them that way.”
“There are so many cases where friends become lovers, how could you not think that?”
“That’s because you guys are...”
Men.
Sihyun grimaced and muttered to himself. Although he had lived without prejudice against homosexuality, he hadn't thought his friends could be in love with him. Normally, that would be considered paranoid.
Sighing, Sihyun rubbed his forehead and groaned. He wondered how he would face the students of Class A from now on.
Every time our eyes met, I'd wonder, "Is it this guy? Does he like me?" How could I act normal under such circumstances?
While he pondered this, Hamin, who had been incessantly nagging, suddenly fell silent. After a brief pause, he scrutinized Sihyun's expression before speaking in a calm tone.
“Don't let it bother you too much, Kang Sihyun.”
“…….”
“You’re not even considering dating right now, so don’t get swept away unnecessarily.”
Of course, I'd be happy if you were swayed my way.
His meaningful words were followed by an unnecessary afterthought. Surprised by his rare advice, Sihyun squinted his eyes, a faint smile crossing his face. The boy reached out his hand to him.
“It's your feelings, so do what you want. At least here, no one's going to lose their mind if you reject them.”
Or is there? Maybe one.
The unwanted add-ons continued. Sihyun listened to the advice that was good up to a point and calmed his gaze.
As Hamin seriously considered his words and was about to nod, the boy mumbled something that made Sihyun uneasy.
Maybe it's not one, but two?
Seowoo seemed a likely candidate, but the other remained unknown.
Could it be Kang Haewoon?
While he was making assumptions, Hamin wrapped up the conversation, tapping Sihyun's head lightly. It was an oddly irritating form of touch.
“The point is, don’t get too caught up in others' feelings. You're too easily swayed and soft-hearted. Only worry about confessions as much as they don't disrupt your life. And if you feel inclined to reject, then do so.”
“So...”
“It’d be wrong to start by rejecting me, though.”
What was he supposed to do with that?
Given the situation, he had thought to reject whoever confessed, but Hamin had stepped back. Sihyun glared at him, and the boy grumbled, asking for some understanding.
The atmosphere eased. Realizing he was talking to Hamin as usual, Sihyun blinked in surprise.
Perhaps due to more uncomfortable situations arising, Hamin seemed relatively easier to deal with.
Caught off guard by this new realization, Sihyun watched as Hamin was the last of Class A to leave his house. Just before letting go of the door handle, Hamin spoke up.
“Glad you're starting to be aware of me, but don’t look away or get startled like you’ve seen something you shouldn’t have.”
It pissed him off every time.
He was referring to the incident on Christmas Day. Only then did Sihyun realize why Hamin had been angry, nodding with a wry expression.
Thinking about it now, Hamin's confession didn't necessarily have to make their relationship awkward.
Coming to this conclusion, Hamin wished him well for the vacation before closing the door. Left alone in the house, Sihyun pondered Hamin's words.
Surprisingly, he wasn’t wrong
.
The tension should be on those confessing, not on himself, the recipient. Freed from the stifling feelings, Sihyun came to a simple conclusion.
It didn’t matter who liked him. He had no intention of dating anyway.
Whoever it was, just reject them all.
If someone still wanted to like him after that, he’d think about it then.
With his mind made up, Sihyun sprawled on the couch.
After expending quite a bit of energy playing with the kids, he lay motionless, not moving even for dinner, until his phone rang around 7 p.m.
[Caller - Ruth]
It was a call from someone he had forgotten about amid the recent chaos.
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