Wondering if he had misheard, Kang Sihyun gauged Lee Hamin's expression, but it didn't seem like the face of someone jesting. At a loss for words, Sihyun merely swallowed his saliva. His lips, which seemed about to say something, ultimately shut without uttering a word, revealing his discomfort in his blue eyes.
"Didn't you know he likes you?"
That was a common reaction Sihyun received in his past life upon confessions. Each time, he responded the same.
"I didn't know. There's no reason for him to like me."
Sihyun had never been particularly interested in others' opinions of him. He was too busy living, immersed in his studies, with no room to consider romance. This mindset persisted even after he found himself in Kang Sihyun's body.
Busy adapting to this world, realizing his own condition, and striving to survive, the events he experienced within a year were unbelievable, as if he were the protagonist of a fantasy novel, where incidents occurred merely by breathing, leaving no room to ponder whether "someone likes me." Initially intrigued by his relationship with Jeong Daun and The Four Heavenly Kings, he soon forgot, preoccupied with preserving his own life.
The confession caught him off guard.
Sihyun stood still, as if struck dumb. Despite waiting, Lee Hamin neither pretended he hadn't heard nor claimed it was a joke. He truly liked him.
Hamin's blue eyes hesitated. Unlike Sihyun, whose focus was disturbed by shock, Hamin appeared sincere.
"Why would you say that now, after coming back to life?"
He swallowed the words he almost said as a joke. Instead, Sihyun asked something else.
"...Since when?"
Even his voice trembled. Hamin raised an eyebrow upon hearing it.
His shoulders rose and fell significantly, his expression complex. Despite confessing, Hamin didn't look relieved or excited, which troubled Sihyun.
"I don't know."
"What?"
"Do you know exactly when you started liking someone?"
It just happened over time.
His tone remained calm, with a hint of brusqueness. It was the same voice Sihyun always heard from Hamin, only the content was different.
This felt unfamiliar.
Sihyun had never felt the air between them to be strange since becoming close.
"Why?"
"Why do you like me?"
He couldn't understand. He was a man, neither particularly interesting nor exceptionally kind, not wealthy, with his only notable trait being intelligence. Unless Hamin had a preference for intellectual men, there seemed no reason for the attraction. Sihyun could find no reason why Hamin would like him.
"What do you think of Shin Ijae?"
During a sports event, Hamin had asked Sihyun this. Reflecting on their conversation months back, Sihyun remembered Hamin's laughter at his indifference towards homosexuality. He wondered if it had started back then.
The thought that Hamin had been testing the waters felt like a betrayal. It felt wrong, especially since they had become partners for the race due to a lucky draw.
He had chosen him as his best friend.
Emphasis on best friend.
Rejection after a confession could awkwardly change their relationship. And if they dated and broke up, they would cease to be friends. Sihyun did not want their relationship to end this way. It wasn't a superficial connection.
It couldn't be.
Hamin hadn't saved him from that place to see their relationship waver.
Observing Hamin, who couldn't immediately respond, Sihyun's gaze softened. He had thought they were comfortably friends, sharing similar interests and understanding. He had believed he finally found someone with whom he could openly share his feelings.
But the realization that it wasn't the case was bitterly disappointing.
Sihyun masked his smirk, scrutinizing Hamin, who was lost in thought, furrowing his brows lightly, then grimacing and sighing deeply. Hamin slowly closed and then opened his eyes, clutching the blanket tightly. The soft fabric crumpled in his grip.
"Does liking someone need a reason?"
"...You have no reason to like me."
"What reason do I need to like you?"
"..."
"Do you need proof even when I say I like you?"
Sihyun was speechless, genuinely perplexed. He had asked, hoping for some justification, but Hamin's expression suggested the question had wounded him.
His lips curled slightly, but his eyes weren't smiling. His cheeks twitched intermittently. His trembling voice indicated he was holding back anger.
"...Why that look?"
"Then why do you ask?"
"That’s because―"
His attempt at a response was cut off by a hollow laugh. Sihyun blinked at the cold sound. Hamin threw off the blanket and turned to sit on the bed, their gazes meeting across a distance of less than 50cm. Hamin's unsmiling face entered Sihyun's field of
vision, making him realize anew Hamin's cold demeanor.
"What would you say if I gave you a reason? Would you just accept it? Don't I know you? You'd probably nitpick and argue. Isn't that so? Am I wrong?"
Hamin's words poured out accusatorily, pressing each sentence without a breath. Sihyun remained silent, prompting Hamin to sigh emptily. His expression looked miserable. Facing him made Sihyun feel inhumanely cruel.
"This is why I couldn't say it."
"..."
"Whatever I confess, you wouldn't face me. It's no different from talking to a wall."
Despite the laughter in his voice, Hamin didn't seem happy. Staring at Hamin, who looked too distressed to have just confessed, Sihyun ran his fingers through his hair. One thing was clear in his complicated thoughts.
Not a single word Hamin said was wrong.
That was the only certainty Sihyun had at the moment.
Under different circumstances, he would have dismissed Hamin's confession as a joke. Even knowing it wasn't, he would have tried to brush it off as such.
Considering this, Hamin's timing for the confession was impeccable. He had trapped Sihyun against the wall, leaving no room for retreat. So, Sihyun turned around, choosing to face the wall instead of Hamin.
Hamin's accurate perception of his internal turmoil was both surprising and overwhelming. After a couple of deep breaths, Sihyun slowly started speaking.
"Everything you said is right."
"..."
"There's nothing wrong. But."
He paused mid-sentence and swallowed, and Hamin frowned. Sihyun bravely responded to his expectant look.
"You're mistaken."
"..."
"It's not that you like me. It's because you've never had such a relationship with a friend before. Or because no one has delved into your situation as much as I have. Or because there's no one around you who looks like me. That's why you're mistaken."
Some people confuse the familiarity and closeness of a platonic relationship with romantic attraction, especially at a young age like Hamin's. His circle of friends wasn't large; it was telling that Sihyun, whom he had known for less than a year, had been called to participate in the obstacle race with him.
Sihyun wasn't sure about the other Four Heavenly Kings, but at least they hadn't dug into Hamin's past or tried to save him from Hahyuk as he had.
Considering these aspects, what Hamin felt might have been a mild admiration, crossing the line of friendship. Misinterpreting admiration for love wasn't uncommon.
Believing Hamin was likely in this situation, Sihyun looked him straight in the eye. The tremble in his eyes and voice eased. He didn't want to lose a friend this way, and neither did Hamin.
He could surely comfort and reassure a 17-year-old.
"You're mistaken, Lee Hamin."
After the third affirmation, Hamin's expression twisted even more. Regardless of the truth, having one's feelings invalidated is unpleasant. Deciding to leave Hamin alone to gather his thoughts, Sihyun glanced at the clock on the wall. It seemed the Class A students who had gone out for groceries would return soon.
He planned to leave first, hand over the groceries, and let Hamin be alone.
It's more confusing when more people talk during such times. Having picked up this insight from the internet, books, or others' stories, Sihyun stood up.
"Think about it some more."
That's when it happened.
Hamin's hand suddenly reached out, grabbing Sihyun's collar. Pulled down abruptly, Hamin's face closed in swiftly.
Breath.
His breath touched the skin.
Their lips nearly met.
"You think you want to kiss a friend, too?"
Hamin spoke sharply, his strong hand pulling Sihyun's slender waist towards him. Caught by the collar in an awkward stance, Sihyun was drawn onto Hamin's lap on the bed.
Their breaths mingled close.
"Lee Ha..."
His urgent words were cut off.
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