"Hey, what was that all about?"
As Sihyun glanced at Hamin to inquire about their mana recovery status, Hamin spoke first, his voice a tone lower than usual, drawing Sihyun's pensive gaze away. The purple irises that met his eyes seemed unusually deep.
"What's up?"
"What do you mean by saying they're after you?"
"That's not important right now."
"Then what is?"
Certainly, discussing their condition and planning their escape were more critical. Though sentences formed in his mind, Sihyun couldn't voice them. Hamin's gaze intensified, his eyebrows twitching every few seconds, seeming more irritating than usual.
"We don't have time to fight among ourselves, Hamin."
"Who said anything about fighting? I just asked what you meant."
His tone was sharp. If I didn't respond correctly, it might escalate into a fight. Facing off with him, Sihyun realized the boy in front of him wouldn't back down easily and sighed. When he eventually recounted the incident with Ruth, Hamin's expression changed constantly, mostly angry. The peak was when Ruth warned about overseas Awakeners.
With a crack, he abruptly rose from his seat. Betrayal glimmered in his eyes as he stared at me. As if to calm his excitement, Hamin took a long breath, which seemed subtly threatening as he clenched and unclenched his fist.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"When was I supposed to tell you?"
Sighs followed Hamin's short, pointed reply. It might have been a bitter laugh. Hamin approached, appearing increasingly menacing.
"You always seem to be mistaken."
Was it due to his previous outburst? As Hamin fell silent, the boy who had barely spoken looked at Sihyun and spoke with a sigh, tired or worn out. After a moment, his previously hidden eyes trembled slightly. Observing this, Sihyun bit his lip. For some reason, Hamin seemed more troubled by their conversation than being trapped in the Shadow World.
"I thought we were getting closer, but it turns out it was a mistake. I thought you trusted us, but it was a mistake. I thought you only hid this, but even that was a mistake. I did. No, we did. At least, I thought you believed in us."
His previous shout was so loud. As Hamin fell silent, the sudden quietness felt stifling. The boy who looked distressed and in the verge of tears moments ago turned his head away from Sihyun, as if he was neither crying nor angry, but subtly expressing his emotions.
"I thought we wouldn't be stabbed in the back again."
But that was also a mistake.
Scratch.
Sihyun heard something scraping. Hamin was dragging his sword across the protective barrier on the ground. Although there was more to say, he seemed to swallow it, watching Hamin as he clenched his jaw. He noticed the increasing friction between them lately. As he delved into the reason, he heard Hamin mumble, saying he couldn't understand himself, even though he thought he did. Amidst many passing memories, one stood out. When Suhwoo asked if he thought of them as friends.
And the day he received comfort from them, Sihyun realized they were his people.
That should've been enough.
But just a few minutes ago, the boy who was scared and jumpy turned his head away from Sihyun, stood at the edge of the barrier, looking distressed. After a deep breath, he sighed, showing frustration, and exhaled. Sihyun realized the slight divergence in his relationship with the students of Class A compared to others.
There was a big gap between him and them, and as long as it existed, the doubts and alienation they felt wouldn't disappear. Recognizing that the reason they were anxious was due to his indifference, Sihyun recalled his relationship with Class A students. He contemplated how there was a significant void between him and them, and their doubts and alienation wouldn't vanish as long as it existed. As Hamin's voice echoed, asking why he was hiding so much, it felt like he was urging him on.
People don't change in an instant.
It had been a promise to move forward, yet in reality, it was just circling around the same spot. Despite taking a step forward, it seemed like they were only going back and forth, thinking they were progressing. Wasn't the conversation with Hamin proof of that?
The kids from Class A inherently had a soft side towards him. So, even if he didn't say anything here and just remained silent, this matter would be resolved. Though Hamin might seem lacking in dignity, he would come to him later, apologize, express regret, and nod his head like he always did. Then this matter would be settled. And the lingering doubts and emotions unresolved this time would continue into the next dispute. It had always been like this.
In the process, the kids would gradually tire out. Just looking at Hamin in front of him now showed that. Glancing briefly at Hamin's back, Sihyun took a deep breath.
He had thought he was improving, but in the end, all he did was exploit the weakness of these kids who were weak towards him.
He was indifferent to the point of selfishness. Or was he selfish because he was indifferent? Whatever it was, he hadn't changed from before he confided in Daun. Realizing this, he closed his eyes. Estimating the remaining mana, he figured he should rest for another 20 minutes to replenish it.
Intentionally, he plopped down with a sound. He felt Hamin's gaze on him.
Silence lingered. Sihyun took a deep breath, breaking the silence that had always been someone else's job.
"Sorry for telling you late."
"..."
"It's not that I didn't trust you, it's just that I never thought I needed to say anything. Since saying it wouldn't change anything. But after hearing you out, I realized I'd feel annoyed if you or anyone else were hiding something from me."
Hamin silently listened to the flat words. As if nailing something with his gaze, Sihyun glanced at him for a moment before clenching his hands on his seat.
"Next time, I'll tell you beforehand."
Still, there was no response. Sihyun glanced back to find Hamin wearing a complex expression. Unsure whether to be satisfied with this situation or even doubt that, his face conveyed it all. Since he was the one who instilled mistrust in them, Sihyun couldn't retort despite seeing that expression, and he took a deep breath. Even though he hadn't decided to say anything grand, his throat felt parched and dry. It seemed like the slight embarrassment was largely to blame.
"I consider you guys my friends. I trust you. Maybe you didn't feel that way, but at least I've thought of you as friends for quite some time. I treat you differently from others, you know. So, I thought I was facing you guys. But..."
"But, what?"
After a hazy ending to his sentence followed by a long silence, Hamin urged him on. Sihyun, meeting Hamin's now calmer gaze compared to before, nodded slowly. Not having completely expressed his resolve yet, he hesitated to speak.
"So, what I'm saying is..."
"...?"
"I'm not Kang Sihyun."
For the details, he would gather everyone and tell them. Whether they believed it or not was up to them.
Stating it casually, Sihyun withdrew his hand from Hamin's grip. Hamin, frozen in the same position where Sihyun had held his hand, stared blankly into Sihyun's blue eyes. Looking at him, Sihyun quietly exhaled the breath he had been holding.
Once he made up his mind to speak, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders.
Now that he had revealed it to Daun, there wasn't much reason to hesitate about telling the remaining people. He wasn't sure why he had wanted to hide it so badly. He even found himself quite foolish.
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