Sihyun's eyes flickered. Daun's words had quite an impact. It hit differently because it came from Daun, someone who was considered Sihyun's closest confidant.
Thinking back, it was only natural for Daun to have doubts about me. Or perhaps I hadn't realized she brought them up too late. Since the possession, I hadn't even attempted to mimic 'Kang Sihyun.'
I never even prepared a simple excuse, assuming I'd revert soon. Considering that, Daun articulating specific doubts now was surprisingly unexpected.
My mouth felt dry. It was only after Daun's words that Sihyun realized Kang Sihyun's grades weren't as good.
"..."
Silence fell in Room 207, everyone's attention on me, as my azure eyes got lost in thought.
I'd reluctantly accepted, or rather resigned myself to living as 'Kang Sihyun' through various stages, but that didn't mean I'd become the real Kang Sihyun. The compromise happened between me and Kang Sihyun, not among the people surrounding us.
At least to those who knew the original Kang Sihyun, I remained not 'Yoo Sihyun' but 'Kang Sihyun.'
Brown eyes felt piercing. Sihyun closed and opened his eyes slowly, swallowing a breath. And then...
"Let's study in the room in February."
A lie slipped out.
At this moment, Sihyun realized that if he ever stood in front of someone as 'Kang Sihyun,' every word he could utter would be a lie.
Suddenly, discomfort, a strange disconnection crept in.
Despite being in the same space, I felt like I was floating alone. Not blending in. As that feeling reached its peak, Sihyun instinctively grabbed Haeun's hand. Once he felt warmth in his hand, a slow calmness washed over him.
"...That's probably how it is if you say so."
The gap was quite significant. As Daun hesitated before speaking, Sihyun blinked. Daun, who was sharp in pointing out flaws, easily glossed over an excuse that, upon reflection, seemed utterly feeble. It was odd. Keeping the ensuing silence, Haeun asked why I looked so serious, injecting a playful comment. Only then, as the atmosphere returned to normal, did Sihyun relax.
"...Well, shall we start with Korean?"
Asking to continue the interrupted study, Haru nodded. Perhaps due to the atmosphere or because Seowoo, Geonu, and Haeun remained silent, except for me and Haru, the room was filled only with the sound of scratching pens. Sihyun couldn't shake off intermittent discomfort.
***
"This is insane..."
Three hours and twenty-two minutes into the study session, when Haeun muttered these words, Sihyun glanced at Haeun, who was already groaning about not finishing one subject despite three hours passing.
I haven't finished a single subject yet.
Without catching up on the test materials, attempting to solve problems felt ambiguous. It was fortunate that Haru learned quickly, but there was still a long way to go.
Thinking about the upcoming weekend until the exams, even filling today's timer for ten hours seemed insufficient. Adjusting his pen, Sihyun watched as Haru slumped over the desk.
"Hyung?"
As if declaring giving up after keeping up until now, he greeted the desk. When Sihyun called him, he turned his head slightly to stare at Sihyun. His reddened eyes, visible due to removing his horn-rimmed glasses, looked pitiful. Somehow, he resembled a soaked puppy.
"...Are you tired?"
"...Yeah."
Seems like he was quite tired without showing it. Seeing Haru, who seemed determined not to let his tiredness be known, made Sihyun sigh.
This wasn't the usual Haru.
Glancing at Haeun unintentionally, Sihyun briefly lowered his head. Perhaps he'd misunderstood something.
"Then, would you like to rest a bit?"
Forced to suggest reluctantly, Haru, still lying down, nodded. The sound of hair rustling against the textbook was audible.
"Let's take a 30-minute break and then slowly get back to it."
During Haru's break, Sihyun planned to catch up on the subject he had missed. Giving a comforting pat on Haru's shoulder, Sihyun glanced up, not unfolding his textbook yet.
Hamin and Geonu were asleep, and Daun and Jihye were tapping on their phones. When Sihyun looked at Seowoo, the only one among the Four Heavenly Kings not putting down his pen, he noticed him.
Ultimately, the survivors were me, Haru, Seowoo, and Haeun. Even that was soon to become three, considering Haeun was about to fall asleep despite saying he wouldn't.
"Isn't it going well?"
Feeling my gaze, Seowoo met my eyes. As Sihyun, who had just started studying, looked at Daun and Jihye, who were still on their phones, Daun touched Jihye. As if they made some agreement, both got up at once. But even Daun, whom I trusted, didn't seem like the type to study hard.
"Let's go first. Work hard!"
After getting up, Jihye pumped her fist and cheered, then turned away. Watching them leave, it felt like I was drifting away from something. Sihyun, who exchanged a glance and a silent goodbye, saw them off while sitting down.
Click.
As the door closed, the study group dwindled to six. Two had fallen asleep earlier, and one was just starting to doze off, leaving only three active members. Sihyun scanned the momentarily lively group and returned to his textbook.
Rustling sounds of pencils filled the silent space. Amidst that, there were a few muffled sounds. When Sihyun lifted his head, he saw Seowoo wearing glasses. It was an unfamiliar sight.
"Do you wear glasses too?"
"Only when I study for a long time."
A nonchalant reply made Sihyun observe him. Maybe it was because he looked like a class president, but Yeowoo seemed to have been born wearing glasses.
While taking a short break and indulging in brief thoughts, Sihyun refocused on his studies. Beep-beep—the timer went off, and shortly after, Haeun started crying.
...Our kid seems to be struggling.
When the timer hit five hours, Haru had managed to keep up with the pace. Handing him the workbook, Sihyun couldn't believe his eyes as Haru effortlessly scored sixteen circles. Internally impressed, Sihyun thought, "He's really good."
"You're good at this."
"Uh..."
Slightly embarrassed by the praise, Haru lowered his head. As Sihyun cheered him on, Seowoo, who had been quietly studying, took off her glasses.
Peeking at his timer, Sihyun marveled at how Seowoo had already completed five hours of study. Unlike the other top students, Seowoo was undoubtedly exceptional.
"Done?"
"I think so, are you?"
"I might do a bit more."
"Then, I'm not done yet either."
Why does it always end up like this?
The conversation took an odd turn, and Seowoo chuckled. After setting her glasses down, she moved closer. As Sihyun observed her, she glanced at the workbook he had been grading for the day.
"Is this your partner's score?"
"Oh, um, it's not that good for a first-timer, right?"
That's how parents act when their talented child succeeds. Understanding this sentiment at a young age, Sihyun proudly mentioned how quickly he learned. However, Seowoo fell silent. Placing her hand over another workbook on the table, she flipped through its pages.
Glancing through the workbook, Seowoo sat beside Sihyun. Left with Sihyun on her left and Haru on her right, Seowoo met Sihyun's platinum-colored eyes, making it hard to discern what she was thinking. Finally, after a slight delay, Seowoo responded.
"You got a lot right."
"Not just a lot, almost everything."
"True…"
Casually commenting, Seowoo opened the workbook. As she gestured to the advanced problems with her fingertips, she glanced at Sihyun after a brief pause.
"If I get them right, what do I get?"
"What?"
Coughing unexpectedly, Sihyun, thinking he would've spat out water if he'd been drinking, looked puzzled. Seowoo, with a small smile, retrieved a pen from Sihyun's pencil case, smoothly as if water were flowing.
"You said I was pretty before."
"…."
"But you haven't particularly shown that. If someone's pretty, they should be appreciated, right? It's disheartening when you only treasure one person."
"Do you want compliments from guys?"
"It's not particularly about that."
You want it from me, Sihyun. His soft voice slipped in. It was oddly embarrassing to hear such words from him. Watching him speak strangely, Sihyun wondered if Seowoo really sought appreciation as her hand moved without pause.
Lost for words while watching her solve problems rapidly, Sihyun didn't know how to react.
Amidst the awkward silence, Sihyun felt a tug on his sleeve, as if someone were pulling on his clothes. Everyone else was busy, leaving only Haru.
"Why?"
"…Should I do more too?"
Earlier, Haru seemed content with just solving those problems, but now, out of nowhere, he showed eagerness to study more. When Sihyun reassured him it was okay to solve more if he wanted to, Haru, taking the workbook from Sihyun, glanced at him without holding the pen.
"Yeah."
"Anything you don't know?"
"No."
"Then?"
"Can you… help me?"
"What?"
His voice was so soft that it was barely audible. As Sihyun tilted his head to hear better, Haru's ears turned red. After briefly tucking his lips in, Haru glanced around. Following his gaze, it seemed like he was looking at Seowoo.
"I'll work hard."
"Sure? …Okay."
This was odd. Sihyun wasn't sure what was going on, but something about this study session felt off. Looking at Hamin sleeping soundly, Sihyun had a feeling that if he woke up, he'd throw a fit.
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