With an apology hanging in the air, Sihyun bowed his head, his lips quivering. Despite trying to wrap his head around it again, the situation remained incomprehensible. It was a moment for him to apologize, wasn't it? And hadn't that prolonged tension stemmed from it?
He wondered if he had misread the situation all along or if he was hearing things. Subtly pinching his cheek, Sihyun pondered over the unchanging circumstances while trying to recalibrate his thought process.
There was a need to set things straight.
"Why should I apologize?"
"...."
"Besides getting hurt instead of the knife, there was nothing wrong, so there was no need for you to apologize."
It seemed Haru still believed that his actions on that day were justified. That Haru hadn't randomly apologized for being stopped and didn't feel sorry for that action. With blue eyes, he persisted in his conviction. Sihyun wished to gauge his expression, but black hair veiled any indication on his face.
"What exactly are you sorry for?"
Careful not to pry, Sihyun inquired, mindful of his tone. Tick, tick. The training room's silence amplified even the slightest sound. It was a sound he'd heard somewhere before.
"Was it not my fault?"
"What do you mean?"
"...Everything."
"...."
What kind of situation was this?
Haru's sudden self-blame left Sihyun with only questions.
"Why do you think that way?"
"...Avoiding me."
"Me?"
At the softly spoken and hesitant words, Sihyun raised his tone. It was an unexpected topic. Until now, Haru had thought Sihyun was avoiding him, and Sihyun had thought the opposite... It was a subtle twist in the situation.
"Why would you think that?"
"Because you, avoided me."
"Nonsense."
"...Then, not talking to me was because I didn't initiate conversation?"
Haru nodded after a pause. Sihyun hadn't realized Haru didn't mention having meals together for over a week. He hadn't known Haru hadn't asked because he didn't voice the idea.
Realization struck that he had neglected another's feelings and left them unattended. Feeling a mix of embarrassment and unfairness, Sihyun's expression clouded with a wry smile.
It was just giving him time alone. Haru must have needed time to think. Sihyun had expected apologies or criticisms after he'd sorted his thoughts. He'd thought that was the usual order of resolution in relationships. He was wrong.
"...Was it because I'm a Dual?"
"No."
"...But."
The dwindling voice eventually lost its strength. Sighing, Haru rolled his eyes, unsure where to begin fixing things. As Sihyun continued to look at the downcast Haru, he realized how low Haru's self-esteem was, a fact he only grasped now.
What he believed to be a mutual relationship of equals seemed like a one-sided hierarchical relationship to Haru.
"So, rather than you avoiding me, was it because I didn't initiate conversation?"
Haru nodded faintly. It would've been insane and selfish to say that because Sihyun was a Dual, he felt burdened.
"I gave you time because I thought you were mad at me."
"...How could I be mad at you?"
It was a questioning voice, genuinely puzzled. Sihyun blinked as he realized Haru had been somewhat blindly devoted. Subtly sensing this conviction that had crept in silently from somewhere, he understood that Haru had been oddly devoted to him.
"If only you had said you felt burdened by my being a Dual."
That would have been absurd and selfish, indicating a level of madness or arrogance. Silence followed Sihyun's mention of the Dual, too. Sihyun felt uneasy about Haru's reaction and wondered if it was linked to his supernatural ability.
"...Is there some kind of illness?"
Haru's reaction worried Sihyun. Maybe it was some rare illness that only affected awakened individuals.
"It might be because you're a Half-breed, that's why."
It stung to even consider that because of his own Inso. No wonder Haru didn't seem overly concerned considering he was a Half-breed.
Without intending, Sihyun's thoughts shifted away from Haru's Assassination class.
He remembered the time Haru claimed he had kneeled for a year due to an injury when they became partners. He looked at Haru, who was absentmindedly scratching his fingers.
Tic-tic. Small noises caught Sihyun's attention. Looking down, he saw Haru mistreating his own hand. In a moment of wanting to stop him, Sihyun looked at Haru, but then glanced away. Haru's past, which he had never talked about to anyone, was difficult to bring up suddenly.
Seeing Haru's struggle, Sihyun swallowed his uneasiness.
"I thought it was made."
"What?"
"Your class, it was made."
"Is it not a normal mark?"
"No."
"So, I couldn't imprint it."
He spoke directly, without stumbling. Sihyun stared at Haru's forehead. The mark was closer to where his hair roots were. He thought it would be okay to cut it a bit, suggesting it cautiously.
But as soon as he mentioned the Dual, silence followed again. Sihyun felt anxious seeing Haru's reaction, wondering if it was related to his supernatural ability.
"...."
Asking a question he didn't understand, Haru hesitated. He then lifted his hair with his hand, revealing his forehead.
"It's not a normal mark."
"What do you mean?"
"...It's artificially made."
His voice trembled as he added, "It was done artificially." Haru's situation wasn't an illness; Sihyun sensed it in his eyes. He didn't know where to look or what to say about Haru's sudden revelation of his past.
The memories of escaping from the research lab and training ground, the knives in his hands and the cold gadgets on his body, flooded Haru's mind as he scratched his fingers repeatedly.
Remembering the ordeal he had escaped, Haru's breath hitched, recalling the sensation of being trapped in his past.
"Hyung?"
A voice reached him.
In the midst of bringing his deeply suppressed self back to the surface, the voice gently pulled him back. Haru looked up, meeting Sihyun's gaze. His blue eyes met Sihyun's red ones, his own seemed clear and unwavering.
Haru swallowed.
The air entering his lungs signaled his normal functioning respiratory system.
It was proof that he was alive.
All senses confirming his existence, Haru exhaled the breath he'd held captive in his lungs.
Looking worried, Sihyun's gentle and calm voice conveyed concern, and in that moment, Haru felt a sense of security. He reconsidered his choices.
He didn't know if they were good choices.
He hadn't spoken to anyone about it, so there was no database to gauge right or wrong. But that was similar to his relationship with Sihyun. He took a moment to collect his emotions before finally calming his breathing.
No matter what happens, as long as Sihyun looks at me like that, this path I'm on won't lead to
destruction.
There was just that feeling.
On the day he arrived at school, when the whole world seemed unfamiliar to him, Sihyun was the only one who extended a hand to him.
That's why that feeling arose.
He felt like he could trust this person.
It was a blind emotional response.
It was the first time he experienced such a feeling.
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